Dearone

People first Language

2010-08-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

I hear far too often that Politically Correct language changes constantly, & they can't keep up w/it all. In reality People first & disability language has been the same for more than 15 years. It also shows no sign of changing, so it seems to me worth knowing. I learned it the first opportunity I had. I try to accept, & respect others to the best of my ability, no matter how often I must learn something new.

People first, means you refer to the person first ALWAYS! No matter what diagnosis they have, they are not their diagnosis. This is true even when the disease or disability take over a large part of the persons life. Just as a person with cancer, is not cancer. Even though they may be spending a large portion of their time dealing with treatments, & the effects of it. This is true of any diagnosis. A person remains a person, & deserves to be treated the same as anyone else!

The most important label is their name. If that is not appropriate to use, any other term referring to them as a person is appropriate.

Many people don't want to be labeled, in any way, whether it's an illness, disability, race, faith, or style, they still want to just be themselves. Personal preference as to what they choose to be called, & what they call their problem matters! It also is sometimes made an issue, when it doesn't need to be. There are many times people over use labels, telling everyone they meet, or in every introduction when it's really not always every ones business. Avoid using one at all, except when you have to do so for a reason.

Words for disabilities, & how they are used has been a big deal in the news lately.

For many of us, who have been trying to inform others for many years. These words cut like a knife! For me it's an insult to me & those I love. I will list below many terms, most are considered outdated at best, & offensive at worst to many.

Disability - means a lack of ability, & is the respectful word to use when talking about someones disabilities. In fact it is the only general word for a disability that is politically correct, & has been for close to 20 years.

Retarded - is a out of date medical diagnosis. Mental Retardation (MR) was used to describe a large group of people who were different physically, or later intellectually. Those people were not treated as people. They were thrown together, with little regard for age, sex, problem, race, religion...All that mattered is they were away from the rest of the world. They weren't treated as people, or taught at all. Basically it really was a word that described people less than human. This is why it bothers many of us. To make things worse, it is now a word people use to describe something stupid, or that they don't like. That has made it Derogatory, & with it's history, even a slur.

Handicapped -Thought to come from a combination of two things. One word is having a cap in the hand. In other words the beggar. The second was from a game in England. The one w/the cap being the looser. A bit like old maid, it's not what you want to end up w/or be called. It is also used now to refer to inanimate objects. A word that describes inanimate objects, isn't a word to describe a person w/problems, or person in general.

Disabled -Disabled means permanently broken, or turned off. Since a person themselves can't be turned off, that doesn't work. The other almost sounds possible, but although a body can be broken, the person can still work on therapeutic treatments to regain, or help problems, making them never permanently broken. It also is an acceptable word to use regarding inanimate objects.

idiot - This is one most don't understand, but it was the word before retarded, used to describe the people that were put away from the public, & treated far worse than animals. There are people alive who still have this diagnosis in their past, so for me, & a few others, it's unusable.

Moron - Another word w/the same idea as Retarded, but is less thought about.

The first thing about respect of course is to refer to someone else, as they want to be refereed as. I call friends & family what they want to be called, it seems only right to do the same for others. Calling someone the name they wish to be called, as long as it isn't offensive to others is something many people do w/people they know, but the same rings true for what they call their diagnosis, no matter what it is. Around others with the same diagnosis they may not like the persons choice, so it's good to keep in mind that even commonly used words that describe a person, or group of people, can be offensive to many others.

It makes a difference to treat others as people, not their problems. It is a key to happiness & acceptance, & shows them respect for who they are.

My Truth - preventative health care

2010-04-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

Hopefully I don't loose a lot of friends posting this, but it is what I know. You don't have to agree, but it's me, & I guess it's just sad if someone can choose to dislike me because I state an opinion. I guess it would mean it's a very conditional relationship.
This isn't about Obama, although I find it very odd that talking bad about Bush was called treason, but many of the same people say horrible things about Obama. I hope those who do would have changed their opinion about someone not like Bush's choices. Really they are both Presidents, who have made choices that some people really liked, & some people really hated. It seems if you dislike one, you should be able to allow someone else to dislike the other even if you don't agree. That is really not the point of this, but maybe pointing out you don't have to like what I say...I agree that you have the right to say another opinion too. I am not saying this to offend, or defend, it's just my truth!
The health care plan as it is, is far from perfect, a lot of changes will need to be made. If you look at many past choices by the government, changes were made along the way. To many important choices throughout history.
People aren't seeing the whole picture...I am only talking about preventative care, not what is the plan, just what I have seen & know personally.
I am one of many who had a problem that could have been helped, but wasn't because my problems started just as I was too old for my mom's insurance. I then had preexisting conditions, & couldn't afford private insurance, & w/out needed medicine I wasn't able to maintain the hrs to be covered at work. I had been a workaholic before, & loved my work, I would give anything to have it all back! I continued to work less & less, but at the same job. My meds were too much to buy, & PCN didn't cover enough to help. W/generic meds alone I could’ve worked enough, & it would’ve prevented so much damage! W/out I got worse & worse, the Dr's tried to find any way they could to help, but it wasn't enough.
I’m now on disability, which I didn't want, but was forced to have. Most don’t know that to get Medicaid, it's a requirement(w/disabilities) to have SSI. I was able to work only a few hours, so I was being cared for by family. I’m unable to do much w/out help, & am struggling to type this. If I had been able to have the care I needed, I’d likely still be working, maybe full time? I’d have finished college which I had to quit because of my health. If I were able to work full time, I’d have insurance through work. I maybe would have needed more help in a decade or so, but I lost a lot not having the needed medical care.
I am costing the country more than I would have, had I had any preventative care! This is true of many people. Truly I had to wait until things were so bad that I had lost most I loved or wanted, before I could get help, & w/me, I won’t get that back. I will keep trying to find ways, but truly almost every wish, plan, goal, dream I had involved helping people. That is truly all I have ever wanted to do, & can only hope I find a way to do so now.
People may not like this, but if your child fell w/in the uninsurable range, as many do in this country, or became like me, you might feel different. I don’t want others who are now able to be helped to end up like me, simply because they can’t get help yet. I once did the math, the preventative meds, were such a small amount compared to what I need now. They could have saved so much, & I’m only 31, I could have been adding money through taxes & all, instead of being forced to have SSI & Medicaid to live. If problems are prevented it will save so much, & a lot of what people complain about is how Medicaid is. Anyone could have a problem tomorrow & be forced into Medicaid, where truly you are grateful for anything. Preventing may not be obvious, as saving our country money, but truly that alone…the savings would be staggering, let alone just saving peoples lives, maybe yours?
Well & I do believe every child should be covered, all kids should have what they need, where they are!
Just my opinion & something to think about.

Spoiled, growing up with divorced parents

2009-12-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

Growing up I was always spoiled. I often said it was because my parents(who divorced when I was 5)competed to find the best presents. While this was true, the best gift of all was that for ten years after I was able to have both parents on holidays. I knew this was an incredible thing since no one I knew with divorced parents had such an arrangement. I was blessed to have parents who were amazing that way. I know it was because BOTH made such a strong effort to do so. I know that no matter how much one person tried it would not work without both trying. One parents wishes alone would never have been enough.
They worked better after they were divorced than they did when they were married. My mom had us most the time, but allowed my dad to take us anytime that worked. He was never late to pay child support, & was consistently there for us. Most of all on Christmas & other holidays & special days, my dad came early in the morning. For Christmas he was there for us to open gifts, & would stay with us the entire day, even coming to to my Mom's family's house for Christmas diner. Both making an extraordinary effort, giving us the best of both of them. We didn't feel we missed out on anything & didn't have to choose, or have it decided for us. That was better than any gift they could buy! Now I am even more grateful since my dad died very young. I am so glad I had those times with both of them, & was able to spend more time with both my parents than I would have been able to separately, & that is greater than anything I could have ever been bought.

Happy December Birthdays

2009-12-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

This month is filled with Birthdays, I hope it's a great day for everyone!

To the Princesses, love you both lots &

I was so glad to be able to come to your party, it was so fun even with all the snow!

Too much, too fast, now so stuck

2009-12-03T00:02:00.000-08:00

On Thanksgiving day as I stayed home alone again, unable to get beyond my stubborn body. I decided to ask for the most help I've dared thus far, & that courage took days to muster. I wanted to sit by Christmas, & hopefully avoid missing another holiday w/my family. It was brave, but didn't seem huge, like a brace to help me sit up, not w/out pain, just to sit up. Just to try, if it didn't work at least something new would be ruled out.
I was very wrong, my calls left me unsure of what I should do when I'd usually go in again. I'm now on a 5 month waiting list for a pain clinic...not the problem most urgent, & many holidays & a vacation away that I had hoped to be part of. I'm beyond frustrated, & left to start over w/someone new. To start over w/finding answers, & everything else on my own. Not a 1st, but sad since this Dr had helped me so much, & I had hope for more, but now...I guess I gotta believe there is someone out there that will be willing to try & help me again.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2009-11-25T23:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I hope your holiday is one filled with love, laughter, & all the important things that make good memories for years to come!

Charlie

2009-11-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

Today's thankful post is about pets, specifically my current pet Charlie. When I was little I tried to bring home almost everything including a goat. I've mostly only kept cats as pets long term, but don't have a favorite. Over the years I've taken in the "runt" & sick animals to love & care for temporarily. Even when they don't have a good chance of living, if they are happy, I try to just love them all I can.
Charlie came into my life a few hours after my 23 year old cat died. I didn't want another pet, I had decided that months before...
Then there was a loud noise not like anything I had heard before. My mom went out to investigate & started yelling to me saying,"it's awful, it's just so awful." It took seconds, even in the dark, to see what was wrong. A kitten had somehow gotten it's paw stuck in the hinge side of the car door, that hadn't even been opened. He hung swinging & spinning from his paw, frantically trying to free himself. I quickly got him loose, & he & ran into the night. I asked my mom for a ride, to take him to the vet in the morning. She didn't believe I could, & the next morning stood nervous & was surprised when I walked over & picked him up.
He was purring instantly, & even now a few years later, it's constant. He hadn't broken anything, probably because of his age, only about 3 weeks old. He was running a fever & was diagnosed w/encephalitis, from his mom being sick during her pregnancy. He needed antibiotics, & wouldn't survive w/out them back w/his mom, likely not anyway. Several if not all of the others died before I could get to them. I had braced myself for him to die as well...he was so happy but very sick. He seemed to be blind, & had seizures, I watched him constantly for some sign of being in pain, or unhappy, but there was none, he just kept purring. Several weeks later he was growing & having less problems...now he's healthy, the only reminder is that his head tilts to the left always, & he has depth perception problems, so he falls off furniture at times, but just is happy where he lands.

We call him Charlie Bucket because his personality is so much like Charlie & the Chocolate factory. He's so loving, & when I'm sick he won't leave my side even for food, & has even helped me. One vet asked does he do things, like play? He actually has such a strong personality that I guess wouldn't have been expected. When he plays, he loves diet Coke caps. The second someone needs him though he's back trying to help. He doesn't even expect to be petted, instead he lays on my hand, & moves his head.
When he's not taking care of me, he goes outside & takes care of other animals. He curls up w/any animal, & once a bug... but sadly it's not easy to snuggle with a bug, & it was flattened. He was so sad, crying & laying next to it watching for a long time.
He's so caring that he gets so upset if someone crying on TV, if they cry long he gets a bit frantic searching for the person who's upset.
He often brings strays home, which then he will sit & wait until they've finished eating before he eats. I've tried to take some of them to a place I found that takes care of them but haven't figured out how yet, because they would need to all go at once. He has brought in an extra several times if the door is open(the grey visitor)once it looked like he gave them a tour...they followed him from room to room in a line, like little ducks, then went back outside.
Phoenix is Charlie's baby, another story, but he has taken care of her since she was a couple weeks old. Bathing her, showing her things. She even tried to nurse his back but for some reason it never worked. He acted so much like a momma cat, w/her & still does. He is great company for me, & it really helps to have such an easy pet, & one who makes life so interesting.

I am

2009-11-22T18:13:00.001-08:00

So, I haven't been able to post as often as I had hoped. I tried though, & did think more about what I am thankful for, than I think I would have, had I not started this. I hope I still can keep this up at least once a month after November.
Today's thankful post is about being different. My life has always been different, & even though not everything has been good...I wouldn't know what I know, or be who I am without a lot of it. The song is again one I like, that for me fits this subject of owning the differences we each have.

I am a contradiction to myself in some ways. I am a Gemini & a Cancer, born on the day in between. I've been the oldest & a middle child. I've been a caregiver, family member, advocate, patient, volunteer & friend. I've ended up seeing life from so many perspectives that hopefully I can relate to more people, & know more than I would have otherwise.

My mom had a home daycare which felt like I had many brothers & sisters. I learned how to calm a baby, cook for many, & take care of & deal w/people w/all different types of personalities. I can deal with anything, & am rarely surprised by what anyone tells me. Most of all I learned patience, it's really, really hard to make me angry. I don't tend to get frustrated, or flustered, & because noise was a norm, I have been able to help people that others couldn't deal with.

I also spent so much time with my Papa(grandpa) & cousins. He took care of us, & it was great to have someone who taught me so much, & to be so close to family. I had a lot of amazing family all around each taught me something important. An aunt gave me the opportunity to feed the homeless & help in other ways that definitely effected the way I think of things, & live. I was lucky enough to know & be loved by someone who joined our family from another country when I was a baby. From them I learned about another culture, & how amazing our world & everyone is beyond where I live. My dad was a pilot & skydiver, & it was so fun to be able to hang out & see a lot of things that no one else ever has. I loved to fly! It was a unique life & it was mine.
Thanks to my learning disabilities, I had to fight to learn...I had trouble communicating, still do to a point. I relate to people who can't speak, sometimes better than those who can. I use songs, movies & quotes to express what I feel.
My physical problems have shown me a totally different life. It's not easy, & I would often wish things away if I could. I'm often ashamed, have lost friends, dreams, & had to fight for a lot. It is because of all of this that I have tried to fight for so much. I know things now that others don't, & have a voice to share it. The ways I am different are the ways that I can make a difference, & why I am me. It won't change the way people treat me, but if it helps with something...maybe just maybe all of it will be worth it. At the very least I know the way I treat others is difference thanks to my experiences, & hopefully will make a difference, to give someone else the support or help them find what they need. Those who take the time usually learn something, or so I've been told, which is reason enough to keep on, & facing whatever may come.
We are all individuals, & when we judge someone, we miss out on knowing something that might have been wonderful. I appreciate those who have given me a chance, & who have taught me so much!

Insurance again, YEAH!!!

2009-11-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

I finally have insurance again, after a long 3 week lapse in coverage. They renew my case every year, & I didn't get the paperwork, & other problems, which delayed my review.
So...for 3 weeks I didn't have any medication, which was not good for me. I am so lucky I made it that long, & seem to have only suffered muscle loss, which happens sometimes even with the medicines. The medicines just lessen the feeling(it's like a charlie horse that doesn't quit)I was very lucky that nothing bad happened, & even luckier to now have insurance. For me to buy insurance a few years back, because of my problems, it would have been 3-4 times more every month. than what I earned each month.
For me to be able to go on vacation in a couple months, I need to have gotten many needs met. It will be my first trip in 10 years, & will be so fun, I just gotta fight now to be able to enjoy every moment possible then. This gives me the opportunity, although frightening, to find answers, & hopefully some creative solutions. Being a medical Zebra makes it hard for Dr's to treat me because I am soooo different.
I also know what it's like to have no insurance & uninsurable. I acquired bills that I am still paying for, & had to see people not by who could help best, but by who was the very cheapest. Luckily I had family help, or I would have been so far over my head, that I would have never gotten out of debt.

Having no insurance is a downward spiral for those of us that are uninsurable. Then the only way to get it, is work full time, but with the massive cost of prescription drugs, many can't get what they need, & without get worse & worse till they aren't able to work at all, but the bills keep coming. At one point with me, my Dr would tease me because I sold many of my belongings to pay for bills, & to get my hearing aids. I didn't mind doing that, but still it wasn't enough.

I cried when I had to apply for medicaid, & go through the whole process, I just wanted my life back & to work. Then, when I was approved I cried w/relief knowing I could now get most the medications that were recommended, & slow the progression or deterioration. It is a lifeline that too few who need it have.

I am so grateful to be able to attend appointments, get medications as needed, & have that help! I'm also grateful that if a Doctor can't help me, I can see another, I may have to go farther, but I am never stuck, & have had so many amazing people to help the past while. I always have had at least one, but now it's all, & that makes a huge difference.
When I volunteered with homeless families, almost all had the same reason for their situation. They were typical families who had a child who became very sick. Insurance was not available to them, or not adequate before. Then once a person has a preexisting condition, it's expensive to buy, & a process to get anything else.

If a child is very sick, even with insurance medical bills can be staggering, & often 1 parent had to stop working to take care of the child making it even more of a problem. NONE of the parents I saw were "bad" people, or parents. They loved their children so much that they lost a lot saving them. I've heard people say, well if they can't pay for a child they shouldn't have had it. If children were only born to those who could afford them, almost no one would have them. Medical bills can cost more than a really nice home. ALL the Children are worth the fight for their lives, & I hope more people understand how important insurance can be. To see these loving parents who lost their homes in saving their babies was a big lesson for me. The ones I met adored their children, & did everything they could to take care of them. They worked so hard to get into their new homes, & take care of their very precious children.

There are so many stories out there...& of course this is not my full story either, but with any problem proper care helps, & the sooner it's received the better someone is. Preventative & simple care can save lives.

My sponsor child who I had while I was a teenager, died of something that apparently is almost unheard of in most places. He had the food, books, and some medical care, but not everything that is needed to know & treat basic problems. I really took for granted then that needed medical equipment was prevalent everywhere, after all my dad's work was filled with equipment, but not everyone could fix it like him, when something was wrong, & lacked the resources to do so.

I wish I hadn't had the lapse, but I will appreciate it even more I think, & know I am lucky to have it back again.

Laughter may truly be

the best medicine,

but it's usually not

the only one needed.

Religion ♫We are one♫

2009-11-14T23:29:00.000-08:00

Today's thankful post is about religion, as a whole, not mine alone. This song to me fits what I think. It is ♫We are one♫ by the Veronica's. It is what I wish more people could see, & appreciate...we are still all People. We may worship in all different ways, with very different beliefs, but when each finds the way that is right for them...so much good can happen. I have seen people of all religions helped through the worst of life through their faith. Ideally it can bring strength, comfort, & hope. Those are things that everyone needs.

Of course no religion is free from extremes, or people who hurt others, but that doesn't mean they are representing all. People who hurt in the name of religion are seldom truly following the religion they claim to be. Likewise religion doesn't make people automatically good, there are in fact wonderful people who are atheists, but do much more for the well being of others than those who claim they are the most perfect. Judging a religion by a small few, or rumors, seldom gives a good idea of the people who are members & doing their best to follow. I am no different, having been hurt by some members of a religion, I still find it hard to let go of the pain caused. It seems too often we are separated, religion against religion, people against people.

I have seen amazing things when religions come together. For many years I was blessed to know of a group that helped homeless families. It consisted of members of so many religions, working side by side to help wonderful families who had lost their homes. It was very successful in helping almost all recover, & we did so together. Everyone contributed, various religions taking turns hosting the families, they & volunteers staying in their house of worship. Not all of us who stayed were members of the religion of that church, but we treated it with all the respect we would our own. We worked side by side to gather & or make donations. We were not divided by our religions, we knew of each others, but didn't fight about it. We didn't speak of your belief or my belief between us we spoke only of our . We worked as one, loved as one, we were there for the same purpose, to help. I know of so many other ways religions have helped, together, without fighting, hating, or hurting. We are one...& that one, can accomplish amazing things together.

I wish we could understand one another a little better, get along a lot better, and that more people understood that a religious book, is a religious book, no matter the religion or who believes it. A sacred place, or church is important, because for believer's it's a huge part of their world. Regardless of the religion, I still cry for the believer, when any building or important item for them is vandalized or destroyed.

For those who
it IS their

Their religion doesn't change those feelings, or the importance of what is sacred to them.
In my life I have been helped & loved by People who were Christians, Buddhist, Jewish, Atheists & many more. I am grateful to them all, & what their beliefs gave them!

"First they came for the communists,
and I did not speak out—
because I was not a communist;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then they came for the socialists,
and I did not speak out—
because I was not a socialist;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I did not speak out—
because I was not a trade unionist;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then they came for the Jews,
and I did not speak out—
because I was not a Jew;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then they came for me—
and there was no one left to speak out for me."
-attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller

Kiddos

2009-11-13T07:31:00.000-08:00

Today's Thankful post is for & about the the kids I've known.
Kids have taught me more than anyone else. It sounds cliche but there is so much that can be gained from knowing a child.
This photo is posted w/the baby's Mom's permission of course. It's one of my favorites. To me besides being so cute...it's a reminder of what I wish for all children. I have been exceptionally blessed to know several families that are incredible in so many ways...I try to be very general and discrete in all cases, & so for the most part try to express my complete awe to them directly.
I'm not going to say how many families there are, who they are, many have never met one another, & if they did I wouldn't say...but all are so important to me, & have taught me so much.
W/these families who adore their children, the way these do, it's a completely different experience. I love the children no more or less than I would otherwise, but it has been so wonderful to see what is possible! In these families the children are adored & appreciated for who they truly are. Kids who are cared about & for as I dream is possible for all! These families have made me better in so many ways!
I've been taking care of kids for as long as I can remember. It was the most obvious thing in life to me that you take care of those younger than you, or that needed it. Every child deserved to be loved, protected, & cared for. I've never met an unlovable child & know I never will!

Over the years I've been blessed to have known & taken care of well over a thousand children. Some for a very short time...others for a week or more straight. The situations, were as different as the children themselves. I'm glad to have known all, but the hardest were not because of the babies personalities, or anything they did...it was because I was caring for them for only a few hours or a night, not knowing who would have them next, or if they would be loved...I pray they were. I think I remember each, I know I remember so, so many. The longer I knew them, the more great memories I have, & the wonderful things I learned about each child. I loved reading stories, singing songs, & "counting" with them all the people who loved them so much.
I hated when they were sick, & I rocked many as long as they needed. Admittedly, at times crying w/them. I tried not to, especially if I was scared, but never figured that out well.

I have wished I knew of somethings then, that I know now. I wish a lot of things, because I know success is when a child is as happy, healthy, & secure in every way as possible. I always have wanted the best for all of them, & did all I knew at the time to help them feel & be all that is good & possible!

Every child being so unique it was a whole new world w/every single child. I loved hearing them tell me stories. Seeing them learn something new, especially if it was something they had tried so hard to do. Over the years I have been given so many pictures, letters, poems, you name it that now fill 7 full 5 inch binders. I will never just throw those away, but hope to scan many to preserve them, & to save room for the other things that have no other way, treasures that no one would ever know the meaning of...but was made & given to me by a child who put a lot of thought & effort making them.

To those kids out there,
I guarantee I remember & care about you, that will NEVER change no matter what! I would also never want to embarrass anyone, one of the reasons I am so careful about what I say.

Veterans Day!

2009-11-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

♫Music♫

2009-11-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

Today's thankful post is about music. Music is something I was told I wouldn't have by now. That my hearing loss would be so severe by a few years ago that it would be only a memory. It's something that I am so grateful to have, something that remains a constant, that helps me in so many ways.

No matter what's going on, or how I am feeling...there is a song that relates. When I can't express what I want to, it does. It is something that can relieve hurt, distract me from pain, & compfort me through tests & proceedures.

Most of all it brings my happiness and freedom. When I play the piano, I am surprised how my fingers dance across the keys, moving in a way I didn't know they could until reciently. That takes the place of being able to dance as I once did. As I play I feel the same happiness & freedom as leaping across the stage. The same happiness & desire to not stop that turns, gave me. Through music I have life, express life, & have peace & compfort that allows me to do all I need, & get through anything.

Donations that save lives

2009-11-08T16:19:00.000-08:00

Today's thankful post is something that has probably effected almost everyone, whether they know it or not. Without the donation of others I likely would have lost far more people than I could ever count. I have known of so many incredible people saved by large blood transfusions, bone marrow, & organ transplants. I am so grateful to those people who donated, and their families. I can't imagine a life without this gift, & the wonderful research that has been, and will be done to save precious lives.

I can't donate any of those life saving & vital gifts, because of my health problems, I wish so that I could. The only thing I can do is to do anything to spread awareness, of what these things can do, & thank & support in anyway I know of, people who do. I really admire those who take the time to donate plasma or blood on a regular basis. THANK YOU to all who have donated!

I also posted this, one of so many things Boey did during her life to raise awareness & help others.

2nd Thankful Post

2009-11-08T00:54:00.000-08:00

The rest of the month it is my goal to blog everyday about one thing I am thankful for. I knew I wanted to do this when I thought about it, but I've found it harder than I thought. I'm not lacking in things to be so grateful for, the problem has been choosing what things I would save, & which I'd write first. I am so blessed in many ways! I'm gonna start w/a simple one, it like most I am thankful for, I am trying to find some way to use it to give back. This one is perhaps the easiest to give back, literally.

As silly as it may seem, I'm very thankful for my hair. I always liked the red stripes because they are a family trait, & it being thick like my dad's. It was frustrating at times of course, & my natural Mohawk & strong cowlicks were no help.
Now I've known people who never had hair, or not much. I did not know that actually eyebrows serve a purpose, or had never thought of it. They help stop fluid from getting in our eyes. Whether it's raining, or someone who is really hot, it stops some discomfort. Eyelashes & such protect eyes from foreign bodies. I had taken all of these things completely for granted. As I have needed medical treatment I've met people who have lost their hair because of their disease or the treatment to help them. I've never yet had to have my hair cut for a procedure. Because of this, I have tried to do the main thing many do. Grow my hair to cut it off. I found I loved my hair long, & when I donated it last time it was 22-24 inches, of three pony tales(it must be in a braid or pony before). Thanks to it's thickness, I was told, it will likely make 2 wigs for people who need it.
For that reason I had a bad hair day today because of one of the leave in treatments I can do that is good for it. One day here and there is really nothing in comparison. I was also blessed w/hair that grows pretty fast making it even easier.
For anyone curious, haircuts at some places are free. Last I knew minimum is 12 inches, longer makes longer, or more. Although it is cut at salons, not all regularly send them anymore, so I mailed mine myself. That didn't cost much it's just demand, they only mail them if they can have enough to send.
I also want to learn to make a newer type of cap that is more comfortable, & looks more natural. First before that, I must know how to sew. I love growing my hair & cutting it drastically anyway, so this is something that I can do to hopefully help someone, while doing little different. That's the greatest kind of thing to give back, something that I already do. All that is different for me is remembering, not to forget w/hair I am very lucky!
For anyone interested...all those I know who have done this, are glad they did, & have not heard of anyone put out at all, just glad they were able to help. One of the charities is called, Locks of Love.

My Niece & ♫October♫ by Evanescence

2009-11-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

This is for me a song that completely describes how I feel & have felt for so long.
You can hear the lyrics of course, but this is why I like it.
I can't run anymore & really have little hope I will again. Walking alone makes me fall often, & is something I have relearned too many times for one lifetime. I can't fly a plane anymore, or so much else that I loved!
I try to ignore the feelings, what is going on, & said, but when it all gets to me I am ripped from that despair by my niece. She brings me out of all that can engulf me, & gives me strength I didn't know resided in me. Often she is my only hope, peace, & reminder that I have any worth. Literally she keeps me going every day, & through long nights.
I feel as though I am passing on a torch of sorts to her. I can't do so much anymore, & she is just beginning to learn to skip, dance, & all the things lost to me. I'm happy to watch her have her time, & just happy to be able to see her being her.
I can't do what she's going to be able to do, and I'm sorry for that...she's surpassed me. I'm sorry that I am going to be cheering her from the sidelines more than by her side.
I'm also sorry that for times I was lost in total solitude, discouraged & in utter despair. I went through things many will never experience & was often lacking real help. I was not there to see some of the joy, & give back to others before her, for too long. I think others could have made me smile, but perhaps never got the chance at all, because I allowed those attempts to destroy me, blind me to what good I could do, or the people that could have been near.
Now it takes only a moment on the phone to remind me of why...A Moment of truth that reminds me that truly, she is my hope, my peace, my joy, my strength. To me she is my world, a reminder of all the good in existence. My reason to try on, & try it all!

Network Blogs & Facebook

2009-11-05T03:38:00.000-08:00

Yet again I decided to connect accounts. Once I start really working on things it may help. Until then, I am officially following my own blog according to my Network blog box. Nothing new, just funny to see. I can't see much changing in the whole mostly blogging myself thing anytime soon, but it's connected now, so it's a start.

Anna Nalick - Breathe (acoustic)

2009-02-24T20:03:00.000-08:00

This song just fits me, and I don't know I just seem to always have it stuck in my head.

2009-02-06T19:58:00.000-08:00

Bad mood fading

2008-10-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

I can't believe what a bad mood I was in, the last few posts. Better not to read those, I had just had such bad luck for so long, and have been worried about people and problems it isn't mine to say. I worry, that isn't going to change, and will always care if those I love are happy, safe, and treated well, among other things. Between that and being bothered by things in the last few years, and people I no longer go near isn't very wise mind of me. Either way I'm letting things get to me that I have no control over, or are in the PAST. I am just glad they aren't problems now.
I am hoping that my Mom's car will keep going, and that I can keep driving the one I have now. I don't want to deal with Paratransit anymore, it's a nightmare that no one should have to deal with, EVER!! Oddly enough the day the windows were shot out was still a good day. I can't really say more, last time I said too much I was not allowed to ride for 6 weeks. I want people to know what it is like and what many people are put through that cannot speak for themselves but probably need a way to get around for a long time after that. It may be a good thing I couldn't drive for a time and had to ride, and see what things are really like. Now that all is well I am hoping to use that knowledge to help in some way those who are stuck. This sounds a bit negative, but doesn't feel the same. It is something that still is possible to help, not something that won't change and just is. I gotta get my keyboard up again too, it is my greatest outlet. Without things have gotten boring, and that and my phone and Computer not working, things got really stuck. Now computer is working, and I am getting close to caught up with things. I can get my keyboard going again, and was able to talk to my niece through my sisters phone. Life is just not good unless I can hear her sing Elmo's World.

Lucky day

2008-10-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

Today I had an uncharacteristically good day. What started out seemed to be bad, but all ended good by the end. My leg brace(AFO-picture on the right)broke, making the braces I was trying to get necessary. I needed new ones anyway, this will just help it along, and the new ones would be much shorter on my leg, lighter, and less obvious, besides being able to wear more than tennis shoes. I'm so sick of having such limited options. Anything would be amazing.
I missed an appointment because of my brace, but it turned out it wasn't needed, so not a bad thing.
In the mail was two full envelopes from the State. Last time it was horrible so I assumed the same. Unfortunately I have to have Medicaid and all being unable to work full time, and considered uninsurable. The process to get and keep them are hard. I last got sent most of my medical records, some which I didn't want to know about. Anyway today was to let me know that, that decision was decided to have been wrong, and inconsistent. It made a huge difference because of the last time alone. Sometimes it's better not to know what someone thinks of you, or what might be wrong. A list of possible problems isn't the same as having them, and was overwhelming. Besides that there were some I knew would be bad, I have had far too many the past few years, not knowing that their treatment of me was at time torture, and made life so much harder. As well as having lasting effects, I am so glad to be free from most of that now, and have been for a few months. What gets me most is that they don't realize just how wrong they were, or the effects, and will do it to someone else.
Several professionals actually got in trouble for their treatment of me, or lack of. Needless to say they were not happy with me, the Doctor having even looked up other information on me, and my life. It was upsetting that someone could have an influence in such a way. So glad I'm not facing quite what I thought I was. Yeah!!
Next I got to talk to my niece, not new but today she kept singing Elmo's world, and said "hi Nama" not what she calls me but the first time she said Hi, and kind of sang it too, so cute. I love that Baby soooo. Then as I talked to her mom(my sister) and our mom(Nama) I could still her singing Elmo's world in the background, which just was so cute.
I also finally was able to get a new hearing aid, I have had only one for so long, now I have two, and they even match completely.
Last but not least my Allergist is helping me with my Sun problem. It was so nice for someone to listen and believe and trying to find ways to help me brought me to tears. I didn't realize how much I had missed that, and can't say how much a difference every person who willingly helps me, listens, or is just kind to me makes a difference in everything. To those amazing few I am forever grateful. I came along a lot of good today, and found out some good things, but more than anything I have hope again.
Last week I was told I would either be confined inside, or must quit taking the medication that keeps me alive, since it had listed the problem as a side effect. Either stay inside, or quit taking the medication that keeps me alive. Thankfully my allergist new better, and is still helping me, and knows more in this area than any other Allergist, or other related specialist. Either way, I have possibility that I didn't have before today.
Sorry rambling, I'm so tired, but so grateful to him, and some others who have been amazing.
I also have finally hooked up the scanner that works so well, and is so fun, and giving me so much to work with and on.

Irony of life

2008-09-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

Lately life feels incredibly ironic, although that is lacking, I have yet to find a better word. Thinking of so much lately I have pretty much decided what's to loose. Janis Joplin's song, Bobby Mcgee says, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose." I think I am pretty much there. Life just never fails to surprise me anymore.
More and more I think more, and speak less. I find myself unable to completely shake the "help" that feels to have so throughly broken me. More often than not those I search out for help cause me more pain, than those who help. It makes me wonder what could be if all were like those who have truly helped me, or even kindly tried. Some have helped me so beyond words and have done so much and made such an incredible difference in my life, they are few but any one of them is better than all the good from the others put together.
It's funny, in life it seems the times you need people the most, are the times it is the scarcest. The problems themselves damning. So often the very reasons extra support is needed, is the very same things that make people disapear. Really the things needed most seem to usually be available only when they aren't needed.
My biggest Irony is the betrayal of myself. My body being unwilling to do the things I want and love the most, or keeping me from what I find. My biggest nemissis right now is the sun, funny because my Birthday is the longest day of sunlight a year. Not totally new, it gave me migraines for a decade or so, then came skin sensitivity leaving sores wherever sun light hit. I lived wearing the hat & sunglasses even near windows, but now it makes me so sick. Equal to my reaction to peanuts or bees it is becoming impossible to do much, and I want so much to find something that will help.
It's happened before, so many problems being caused by something when realized can be helped. A vitamin B deficiancy, was my worst that made such a huge difference. Even my oddest sleep problem, waking up in the cycle where the body is paralised, I have found a way to help. The sun I have yet to figure out and am so tired of assumptions, and ignorance. People treating me like I am clueless or worse, and not helping. Life alone is enough of a fight, why does anyone need to fight to be treated ok, or get any help, especially that which makes things worse. I post this out of frustration as well as desperation. I'm tired of dealing with those who don't really listen, or do things that would never help anyone really.
Although frustraiting for the most part I can wait till evening to do things. I don't want to miss out on all the good things. More than anything, I want to go on the family vacation to Disneyland. I went once over 20 years ago, and want to have a long overdue trip, and some fun. More than anything I want to see the kids there and without a solution it seems unlikely to happen. I need ideas, just having shirts that cover my hands, hats, and glasses isn't enough. I react even near an uncovered window, but light itself isn't a problem, it is the sun alone. I am out of ideas for now, and having trouble finding anyone who can give solutions besides stay inside. I won't quit looking, but only have about 8 months to find a way. I have to go, it's been pretty close to a decade since I went somewhere fun, or anywhere really, and just want some fun so bad. I am hoping somehow someone will find this, and I will get a sudgestion or anything that might help. I'm kind of sending my plight through this vast internet universe hoping someone, someday may hear it. Even if it's never read, maybe at least this venting of all that is, will help the usual silence of frustrations that either can't be said, or won't be listened to. I think it may help even to think I have said that which engulfs my life so completely. Yet remains so unspeakable, & pointless to others, or making me an open target, weaker than before.
I now know what can happen when people learn the worst. In life it doesn't help for others to know, but maybe admitting what is weak, and my search for anything that may help, will in some way help, for that much Thank you.

Amazing flower

2008-09-18T00:11:00.003-07:00

"Bloom" seems to be a theme right now, Bloom on Kimbo's phone.

A Christs' Tears plant, once my Grandmas, reciently taken in by Courtney has bloomed again. A plant that only blooms every few years I think has bloomed twice in a few months.
The last is my amazing flower, at least I think it is. I have been drying flowers since my Aunt Laurie's funeral. Some with Gel, my favorite method. Some pressed in a book, and many hung upside down. The ones I hung upside down were flowers that mostly hadn't bloomed and I liked how they looked closed, and wanted to save as many as possible. After a week of being hung upside down, all have been drying well, fragile but looking good. Then just over a week after I had hung them upside down one of the flowers bloomed. The day before it felt dry and was closed, within a couple hours it had opened, and felt very alive. I left it hanging like that hooked to the rest for days before finally putting it in gel to try and preserve it best since the petals are now curling a little. None of the others on the stem opened or changed in anyway. Just the one peach colored flower that looks a bit like a Lily. I think it's amazing how it truly went from dry and closed to alive and open in around two hours. I will post a photo of it when I take it out of the Gel and hope it maintains some of the shape. It was a neat thing to see. Showed me more is possible than sometimes I would expect, and I like it. The other Gel flowers so far turned out good too, but none have opened up even a few days after being preserved, let alone 8 days!

This week

2008-08-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

This week was such a long week! A upgrade in the usual bunch that come messed up my computer so bad, and isn't easy to remove. Something like VirusXP2008 made it so my computer and Internet wouldn't work well, and caused so many problems. It wouldn't uninstall, and the tech people wouldn't help, the only way to fix it is to buy the full version which I wouldn't do. It took hours of searching files before I found all parts of the application, listed under other names. I am so mad at them right now.
This week also my aunt had knee surgery but seems to be doing well today in an aftercare facility.
Bryn threw herself an early Birthday party, I guess because of the weather is better now than October. She Texted 30 friends who then were to text 30 more. Easy enough invites and the turnout was around 200. She's so funny with the whole text chain letter invite. I still haven't talked to her but wouldn't be surprised if she knew all that came. Sounds like it was fun though, and actually outside as she wanted.
Kenna started going on visitations this week. She just got home from her first overnight. I was so worried, and I am so glad she is home safe with her Mommy again. Daddy is not going to be happy when he has to pay his first payment of Child support, and considering how he has acted when he wasn't paying this last year, I dread when that comes into play. There wasn't an order until this week, but it'd have been good to make sure his child had food or diapers before the court makes him.
Now to start the week all over again.

Help, in so many ways

2008-08-10T00:49:00.000-07:00

I have tended to leave certain subjects out completely out of shame mostly, which I want to work on. I would be sad to loose people because of something I say, but better that then try to hide what I can not. A life of hiding is lonely and doesn't do any worse than telling people and having them not want to see me anymore.
I also have learned thanks to my OT and some others, and have gained good, and want them to know how eternally grateful I am for all the good they allowed me.
The Beetles song, "Help" is exactly how I feel towards them, and although I miss my OT so much, I hope all the good possible can come from that move. I don't know that anyone has ever helped me more, and it seems only fitting that I fight to keep the confidence and strength I have gained having had her to help me. Thanks to her, and others who are kind to me no matter how I am, or am not.

I also want the kids to know how I feel, I would be leaving out a great deal. Brady and Tage especially give me a boost that helps so much. I want them to know that always. Brady loved my walker which is out of commission and no longer needed. He told everyone it was his first set of wheels, and it was fun to be able to give the kids rides on it, good exercise too. He also likes my "purple ears" my hearing aids, and I know when I deal with people who make fun of me it really helps to think of those times.
Tage is different in that he seems to think I have superpowers , or that things give me extra something. My leg braces he is determined allow me to run faster. Someday I hope to prove him right. He tried them on every time I saw him and it was only reciently that he could stand with them. They reach his hip and are definatly something that slows him down, but I have some funny photos, and video, and just appreciate his view so much. My forearm crutches are amazing, I think I did mention them before, I don't fall with them, and they work with Kenetic energy making it much easier to walk. Those Tage calls my "light savers" sabers, and good for sword fights. I think he is a born fencer, but their are no sports I know of that he can not do. Those moments are what keep me going when I am alone, or made fun of, or treated as people do. They keep me going, and although I hope to go without braces or crutches someday, I know I withstand so much more because of them, and other children who truly accept me for who I am.
I wish the world or just more people were much more like them, life sure would be an easier place if there were fewer closed minds, and judgements with everything. Maybe that will be my goal to be more that way myself, and hope to find more people like that if I can try to be more that way myself.

Gone so long

2008-08-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I blogged, as if I ever wrote regularly. I have been between computer problems, and life drama. Luckily very little to do with me. There are also many entries I have set as private since I started this like a journal that someday the kids or anyone else can look at and see how I feel. Some of those things as anyone who read them will understand have a time and place, and probably for certain people only.
I still have Mimi's cat Sylvia who is not as thin anymore, and beyond happy with the pillowtop I now have. I would hope Mimi would be happy with him being alive and with me, Mojo we know is where he was always meant to be.
I knew all to well what would happen, this is not my first drama after a death. The last of which I lost three sisters, a step mom and others who I loved, and miss still 12 years later. I have been thinking a lot about them, and what could have been had there not been that plane crash. If my niece would have 7 or more cousins to play with, and more aunts makes me very sad. I love being an aunt, love my niece, and what I considered my sisters for over a decade before. I wish I knew that they were happy, and what their lives are. What they do, their kids names and all. I wish for a lot, and lately again feel the great loss of my Dad and his family all I wish could still be. Eventually I hope to have his site finished, and then all I have gathered will be available to them and for anyone else to see my Skydancer Daddy. I hope to finish Mimi's soon too. I have a lot of the graphics done, just a matter of following through with what I started and ignoring the people who discouraged my ideas and abilities so. It would be wrong to let such people win, and for those who could benifit miss out. Someday I hope not to care what others think, as for today unfortunatly I can't forget even wrong things that have been said, I just hope to go through anyway.

Brave moment

2008-06-14T02:32:00.000-07:00

I blocked an e-mail that has been far past due. It's a guy that sends me e-mails trying to convince me about his religion through hate e-mails about others. I have told hime for a long time I don't need or want that, and feel it contridicts what he says his religion is, but usually only get a short respite before he starts again. I also twice have recieved e-mails from a friend of his doing the same thing, having gotten my e-mail from the first guy, and he was a bit scary. He is a fairly known preacher that is often on TV and or radio. That didn't impress me much, so he began braging and apparently views himself close to an equal to Christ and he being the reason why 300,000 people are now saved and forgiven. I though Christ would come into that somewhere for what I feel are obvious reasons, but not for him. I blocked him months ago, after contacting me a second time, the first i asked and he did leave me alone for about 6 months. This other guy has sent me angry e-mails against others for about two years, and I told him today that no more was going to equal blocked, but he couldn't resist, and is now blocked. Someday maybe it won't take two years to stop someone when something they do only bothers me, but this is a start.

Not much else, been playing on facebook, it's the easiest site to access on this computer, and many who see what I do. I've gone way overboard on sending things but that is fun for me, and I like the quizes and games, if only driving was actually like crazy Taxi, I'd love that.

A friend I wrote about a while back when they had a fire, has been nominated for the Extreme Home Makeover. I guess by the Red Cross, and then needs other letters of support. They are so amazing, and three have specific needs for a good life. Please think happy thoughts for them, and those writting. The Mother has helped me so much and is si envolved as are her family in advocacy for people with disabilities, and support for families. She also was a huge help with fundraising to help someone go to Special Olympic World games in China, and has worked on a special park that would be adapted, so that it is safe, and a positive learning environment for kids with Autisim and their siblings. She really is someone that is amazing, and is someone I really respect and admire. She could use the good thoughts, and if her life is easier I know she will make so many others lives better.

Just watched, Shut up and sing, oh so much to say

2008-06-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

Have to say above all I mean no offence to anyone serving or their families in this. If you read this through hopefully my meaning will be clear. Please if you read, read to the end, because there is more here than just this movie too.

I had wanted to see this for months, since it came out, but it has been constantly checked out. Months, I was so lucky to be there and get it. I missed much of what was going on, I heard a bit, but so much was happening, I knew what I thought, and it wasn't for a while that I knew how much had happened. I couldn't have fathomed the reactions of some. Gotta say even with all that was going on, had I known, I would have tried to protest for them, a pro-protest. I have had all of their Cd's, and when all were stolen from my car, they were the first I replaced. The new CD was the hardest, being sold out everywhere I went, it took days. Their work, and talent is beyond so many and a comment didn't effect my opinion of their music. I wish I had known just so I could have said and done more to counteract the, well people that came out. It is the same no matter what the protests, it attracts frightening people, who are willing to say or do anything for their message to be heard. They aren't informed, seldom have the facts, nor do they care.

I know and love many people who have or are serving in the armed services. Family and friends who either served themselves or were married to someone who has. My dad and his whole family all served. I respect what they are doing, and have seen good done from them serving. So much good that is being done, that is so beyond the fighting. Their service, all of it to our country deserves my highest respect.

When I first heard what Natalie Maine's had been quoted saying, I assumed she meant differently than many did. I have liked the band for so long, many songs actually helping me through hard times. She says things in a way that sometimes aren't clear, but if you know her style and about her, you'd know she is very well informed, and usually says things other people later agree with, although sometimes being very blunt in doing so. I assumed, that she didn't think there was reason for troupes to be sent in at that time. With me, and from what I have seen again guessing, that she didn't want a war without reason, I get that having seen many people gone before, and from what I knew, and thought, I couldn't envision this ending soon, or really effecting those needed. Terrorists don't care who is being hurt, that isn't going to help the cause, and I envisioned a long struggle separating families, and maybe not to return to each other again, or for long in between tours of duty. That isn't including those serving who have lost loved ones at home, children have died at the hands of their caregivers, a few born after the father left, who never got to see their child, or really young, when their parent left, before being able to know them, and can't now. Those serving have given their lives to our country, and I worry if they have the respect they deserve, and their needs met as much as they deserve.

Natalie's statement to me was just her point of view, I like her style, and it's always free speech. Who cares if she doesn't like the President, to me that is acceptable. I don't believe the President, should be unquestioned ever, or liked only because of the title, even if what they do isn't what we agree with. Worse the apparent forced worshiping of a cardboard cutout of the man, by children. He is human and bound to make mistakes, that others don't like. I don't see the problem with saying, I don't like that, or what he is doing, no matter where the little club is located at. Of course then media taking off making it sound like a big venue and playing on everything they could didn't help. I personally won't like everything anyone does, because they have a title, or what the media reports alone.

Her statement was free speech, it's an opinion, either way to me wasn't enough to make me throw out their music, or think less of their talent. I really can't fathom burning or crushing anything, just because of one statement. It's an old action done often during fear, ignorance, or just following the crowd, but really is ironic to burn something, against someones right to free speech, something that just shows to me more ignorance, and an inability to think of anything on their own, resorting back to burning the evil, and in this case claiming in the name of troupes who are fighting for others to have free speech going against what this country I always thought stood for.

I didn't insist on another stars Cd's being destroyed when He made a comment implying a desire to hurt Natalie. That is different than just not being proud of the presidents decisions, it's a guy with some following implying the way to handle something is to hurt a woman who bothers you.

I think it's funny that they say that the DC are ignorant, when the protesters statements in fact are ignorant, among other things, and irrational, and flat out scary in some cases. It's also just disturbing the lengths people will go, teaching children to hate strangers over a rumor, and for people, men especially wishing harm, or even death on three women, three mothers, all of whom were pregnant at some point during the time this was going on. Why would it ever be OK to threaten to hurt or kill three pregnant women?

I don't destroy and music, books, whatever, I don't see the point, to me a better way would have been to sell Cd's and use the proceeds to help those now serving. Some people sadly on their 3rd or more tour of duty. I am sad for them, for family, and just all that they love. I wish there weren't any time of separation, even if they return safely. They could have sold the Cd's to do something good for those serving.

In every war there is medical advances due to the injuries. Previously been prosthetics, and PTSD, now is Brain injuries. Many, many people coming home injured that will not be the same. I am bothered by the care they receive, it should in my opinion be the best, forever, until they are where they were before leaving for war. If they are scared, do anything to help them look the way the used to, no matter how long it takes. That is hardly the case now, and that needs to change. They deserve the best care possible, and continued care as long as needed. If there is a treatment out there that would help them have a life closer to what they had before they were injured Serving our country.
The President, his wife, and so many others, have more care after their service, for life, than any person serving our country in the war. They will be taken care of for life, while those risking their lives on the orders of that president, who is about to receive all anyone could need or want for life. I'll add the exact amounts later, I believe it's 200,000.00 a year for the President, plus other benefits, this is someone who was independently wealthy before. It seems the people who serve should have more care and concern towards their well being, and their families. Veterans need and deserve the best treatment far beyond what they have now. I would respect Mr. President a lot more if he were to give up his salary which truly he doesn't need, to help these people he sent to war, and was a large part of why they are gone, or hurt today.

As for the Dixie Chicks, they earned my respect with their talent, and ability long ago, that won't change. I respect them more now for sticking together through this, that is amazing, and I think it's trajic that people treated them as drastically as they did. I support their right to free speach and personally don't listen to the stations that don't play them ever, it just shows how ignorant they or the listeners are, if they were preasured by listeners, who clearly have very scary values considering who they have singled out, and yet others who are accepted but have obvious value issues, that are crimes. If someone can do a crime, and not be flogged, but your right to free speach, is damning. Sorry that's just messed up.
I support them, and am totally against threats and hate in the way it has been, towards them, was uncalled for, and I hope more people see their side, at least now, more and more stars are following suit.
The world is a sad place when threats and actions are acceptable, and their money to help is no good. They are braver than I can imagine, and I hope they know there are many of us that are on their side too!

Quiz for positive traits

2008-05-20T01:10:00.001-07:00

I was kindof hoping for like love, or friendship, but guess not!

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Charity You are Charity. The spirit of giving has been promoted by every religion. Charity is kindness. It is compassion for our fellow man. Charity doesn't ask anything in return, and in this way it serves as the opposite of greed. "Be charitable with many."
Peace
Love
Friendship
Faith
Courage
Which Positive Quality Are You?

Walking

2008-04-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

I am doing this and thought some others might like it. Entering my steps daily on a website, if I average a little more than 4,000 steps a day, for three months it will be like walking a trail in China. It can be many trails that's just the one I choose, because it's less steps.
While walking with a Pedometer, most adults should average about 10,000 steps a day, I hope to someday do about 8000 all things considered if I do 6000 it will be a huge deal, since I am not likely to be able to get to the point I can do more.
The site listed below is one of many where you can enter your amount of steps each day, and it will tell in three months how far you or a group has walked, either a trail or other long distance, and also giving tips to add more, and other health tips. Pedometers are around $4 if anyone wants to try, and they just clip on your belt.
http://aom.americaonthemove.org/site/c.krLXJ3PJKuG/b.1524889/k.BFFA/Home.htm

Amber Alert - Hser Nar Moo

2008-04-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

A 7 year old girl is missing, and just hoping for prayers for her and her family. There is an Amber Alert out, and volunteers searching, I would give anything to be able to try and help search, physically I can't so am posting a prayer request since the family has asked about that.
Any missing child needs to be found, this family has an added barrier that no doubt isn't uncommon but is the first I have been so aware of. They are refugees that have recently come to the USA living the last 20 years in Thailand.
Although another country a family that were refugees from Laos moved in and became part of our family when I was still a baby. I remember very clearly what it was like for them when they first moved here. To be in such a different life, circumstances, and not understanding the language. Everything was new for a long time, and to imagine if one of the children were lost or worse, it would have to be the most frustrating thing of your life, being in a country where people don't understand what you are saying, and you don't know what their saying and you know too your child doesn't know beyond the area or much of the language. I just keep thinking of the people I watched experiencing the US out of a refugee camp, and all that they told me about life there. Then to have a child disappear just breaks my heart for the family, and little girl, and they can use any prayers or positive thoughts let alone being aware, possible.
People coming from a Refugee camp have had mostly only family, and I know they have to fight and already care so much, it's not like here they already have made a choice long ago on family being so important, for them to be here together was huge, really amazing. They made it here, and had just had a baby, and now when they are here their only daughter disappears, it is more than I can think about.
Please pray for them!
The little girl has had some conflicting information reported, maybe due to language confusions. The dad through interpreter has said the same all along, and the photo was taken the day she went missing so that dress in the picture is the one mentioned. She has asthma, which is worse with cold, and when she is stressed. It is cold and the air isn't good for asthma right now, she doesn't have her inhaler and really needs that help besides the obvious that she is a little girl who needs help. There is a billboard that says something like an abducted child is every ones child, I really believe that is true.
Below is a link with her information.
http://www.amw.com/missing_children/brief.cfm?id=54373

Well now the sad news and that she was found is confirmed. I set up a candle group where anyone could go, kind of hard to explain but kind of a virtual candle memorial.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Hser

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

Busy Day

2008-03-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well today was much calmer than a few others lately, although a guy on the bus kept pretending to shoot everything, including me, and was apparently hearing voices. He seemed to be escalating and when his singing got to a drunken level, the driver told him very nicely that singing no matter how good isn't allowed on the bus. Apparently unaware he looked surprised and was totally quiet the rest of the way. Another time when hearing aids are handy aside from the shotgun movement which I struggled to ignore I was saved from the singing by turning off my "Purple ears." Apparently there is a gun theme happening this week.
Another apparent theme in drama is my ongoing Latex battle. My Grandma in the hospital, I can't visit since it in not Latex free. Apparently balloons being a great advertisment right now, I am having trouble avoiding all of the balloons given out, and tied to signs blowing, blocking the sidewalk for me. An office I visit today finally recieved an answer from their cleaning service. They refuse to use anything other than Latex gloves which they ware while cleaning the entire building. They said I would need to talk to my Doctor about dealing with it instead, so I'm very stuck taking medicine to enter a building or die. I hope so for a latex free world. My kitten also was spayed today, and am trying to figure out how to care for her after she has been held by latex gloves. Luckily her Momma, my boy kitten with confussion, kindof doesn't remeber to look for her by this point, and isn't able to find her without her comming to him. He would be so upset if he knew she was hurting, and just not worth his reaction.
Last thing, and a good ending of this day was watching "Dancing with the stars" with Marlee Matlin. I have always really admired her, for so many reasons, but this I could so appreciate and she's just fun to watch and was amazing. Not the best tonight but I think she's only getting started. I danced a lot when I was younger and get that, but and could have guessed what it was like since you can feel it in your feet and all. Now I know though, it's a totally different way of listening to music, I love to sit with my hands on the speaker, it's really different and something to think about. My music taste has changed a lot because of how they feel, and if they are entertaining to watch. I am saving to buy an instrument to learn, or likely relearn, like the violin, which can be amplified now. I don't think it will likely be anything anyone else wants to hear, just for me it seems like it would be so great to be able to make such music. It wouldn't work while dancing, it would still be like when you can feel it, but she's so expressive too, that it's great to watch. I hope she continues, either way, she's got guts and works harder than I can imagine. Bravo to her. It was fun to see and there are many expressive dancers on this time, so I may keep watching reguardless. Just sayin' great for me right now.

Never boring

2008-03-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today again was a day like I am told can only happen to me. I went to Wingers in Bountiful with my mom. Our waitress took our drink order, a minute lator people were running to the window. I looked out the window expecting to see a fire or something big, and saw flashing lights. We asked and apparently the waitress had walked back as an armed robber walked in. Got the money traumatizing many, left and shot at a cook sometime in the process me not knowing anything. They walked in right behind us, and I missed them completely, luckily, and although facing where they stood, I hadn't looked up in time to see them, and my hearing helped since I heard nothing. I am so glad for my broken hearing aid today. One hearing aid wasn't enough to hear the shot, or know to look up. A few tables from the two men and I didn't know anything was happening till people were running. There were so many people who were traumatized, and upset, I wasn't having known nothing until the police had arrived. The poor people trying to get inside inbetween had the waitress trying to tell them through the locked double doors to leave, and we were stuck until they had found out a little, but the police had to have surrounded the area, and all the stops within minutes. They were amazing how quickly they had everything secured. No one was hurt, least of all me who didn't know anything had happened at all, and they walked away with little money, I hope that will deture future theives.

I feel very blessed to have been so clueless, and been so close without being involved at all. I worry about the many who were crying and shaking so, I have been in enough spots like that to feel so for them, I just felt like hugging a few who just looked beyond scared, and was glad they were hugging each other, and all being so supportive. When I go back in a few days, which I will, I hope that they will look as though they are hanging in there ok. I really like a lot of who work there, and will be thinking about them and hoping they can feel safe at work soon.
It hasn't shown up on the news as far as I can see, but I would think it will be soon, and may post that.

Just made the news today, apparently a Chuck a Rama was robbed in SLC 40 minutes earlier by what seems like the same two men.

Adventures on Public Transportation

2008-03-15T02:16:00.001-07:00

A busy day on the bus, all the details aren't needed but thanks to a certain dispatcher at Para transit, I had to ride the fixed route, regular buses, even though conditions were such that I could have had a ride with a nicer dispatcher, this one will go to great length, and many transfers to make life using their service much harder, or at least unsafe(by way of early drop offs or pick ups at the ogden transit center, which is scary during the day).

The bus driver informed me I had to fold up my walker before getting on the bus. This is just funny cause if I could navigate around a folded walker I wouldn't have needed one. Then I was forced to stand since no one would let me sit, and the driver wouldn't make them. Standing on a bus is hard enough, but trying to hold myself up along with my folded walker proved too hard, although I lasted over 2 miles. A gentleman much older than the rest seated then gave up his seat for me, bless his heart. The other lady that was there with a walker said she had, had the same problem. The other 6 people seemed to have no reason to need to sit there.

After that I thought the day had been as interesting as it would get, something happens every day on paratransit, but the driver thinking it reasonable for me to stand and carry a folded up walker was unique enough.

Maybe he didn't know what it was, a fellow mother in the hospital when my niece was born, was convinced it was a baby stealer. It was kindof funny to picture me trying to balance a newborn baby on the seat, and run to leave, and outrun those who would hear the alarm off the baby low jack they attatch to their ancle. This was the next weirdest experience I have had.

When I got on the paratransit bus, I learned that right before it had been shot up. I wasn't on at the time, but techniquelly my ride got shot up. Poor driver was luckily not near the place that was hit, although he saw the gun. I don't know why you would shoot at one, maybe issues with people with disabilities, or just UTA, who doesn't these days. I took photos but they aren't great, my repacement ride came quick so I didn't get much time but you can see the bullet/pellet? whole, and the shattered glass. So glad I wasn't in there, right across from where I sit.

From inside

closer from inside, view of the whole

Inside the floor covered in glass

Outside view in, broken edge

Ouside, looking in, the whole, the dark shadow around the right side is all the window not on the floor.

Life is seldom boring on public transportation.

A thank you for a story that makes me think!

2008-03-07T22:47:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to post, I just saw a story on ET about Gabrielle Carteris, best known for her role on 90210. I am so glad I saw it, since I had tuned in for another story. She talked about an injury that has caused a lot of problems and struggles. I just wanted to say thanks even though unlikely that any star will ever see, I appreciate their willingness to be so open about problems that are personal and sometimes embarrassing. She showed video that would be hard for anyone to live through let alone share. I go often through problems that I hide, yet are far less needed, I know. I know her willingness to show some moments that I am sure were frightning and not something that anyone would want seen, painful to watch. I know I will think more the next time I am ashamed or embarassed and tempted to hide a problem. Thank you to all stars who share their personal struggles, because so often they do help others, bringing awarness, or in my case helping me to see from another point. I think it almost always helps someone, and she really made me think. Thanks to her, and all those who put themselves and their problems out openly.
Thank You!

http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/03/59322/index.html

Remembering Little One

2008-03-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

So sad that a trip to the Doctor, which should have been a happy time for some members of my family, turned to such sadness when the ultrasound showed their baby, they had hoped to learn the sex of the baby that appointment, in fact had passed away. I just heard and my heart and prayers go out to them. Please remember Liz, Jason, and Rosie through this sad time, and all those who love them, and were looking forward to knowing their little one. Love you guys!

Drama test

2008-01-27T17:10:00.000-08:00

I kinda wanted to be a drama queen, the test just may be wrong

You are a No Drama Mama!

No need for drama, you just chill out and don't let things bother youYou've got a peaceful, zen-like attitude... even when things get crazyYou're a pleasure to be around, and you have lots of friends to show for itYou don't need to be the center of attention, you're happy enough as is!

How Much of a Drama Queen Are You?

http://www.blogthings.com/howmuchofadramaqueenareyouquiz/?allquizzes=yes

What instrument quiz

2008-01-27T16:19:00.000-08:00

These quiz's can be entertaining, I think aggression is a bit off, but the rest just might be true.

You Should Play the Drums

You are often hyper, restless, and full of a little too much zeal.However, people may be surprised to know that you can focus your energy well.
You are driven and engaged enough to be a great drummer... and you have the stamina to practice for hours.In fact, when you can channel your energy productively, it only increases!
You are independent and spirited... but also consistent. You can definitely keep the beat.You work well in a group and contribute heartily - without needing to take the lead.
Your dominant personality characteristic: your aggression
Your secondary personality characteristic: your precision

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatmusicalinstrumentshouldyouplayquiz/

New Years Resolutions

2008-01-06T02:39:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Things are going to be really belated from me this year. I was sick the last 5 weeks, not seriously but since antibiotics are a very last resort I have been trying natural which didn't work, and I was just sick enough I didn't get things done, anything for the Holidays, so I am going to still do that, just late. Sorry but I can't just not do what I wanted to, it will just be late as much has been the last while.

I'm gonna actually post my Resolutions, since then it's a promise and I have to do promises, if remotely possible.

Move, Move, Move, yep, that's gotta be #1
Learn to sew, and finish all my other projects that I have started and are almost finished, blogging stuff included.
Walk till I'm 30(6 months) but I was told wouldn't happen a few years back, and love proving people wrong that way. Should be possible, it's more likely than ever right now.
Run, not a long ways but I miss it, and even a block would be awesome. Tagey thinks my leg braces make me run faster, just not in front of him, I would like him to see me run so that he would be right. Also means going to PT and all, which I tend to put off right now, finding new PT, my other one moved, and I wasn't excited to try a new one. I wanna be able to do the spongebob dance too, but that's gonna be harder.
Be able to drive at work, and still working the same or more through the whole year. Checking into a new career that I can finish school for, a "realistic" goal would be so great!
Break at least one Guiness Book Record. I am in the last phaze to break one, but need a specialist to be a part of it, and haven't been able to locate one, in that area. The record itself I can do in half the time so finding someone who fits, and actually getting the guts to do it is the hard part. 3 I know of I can break no problem at all, and choose probably the hardest one first specialist wise. I wanna do the ones that I can do because of my learning disabilites, to show that if someone's different they may be able to do something unusual that others can't. That's hard to explain bu, It also benifits charities of my choise which I like, if I finish the work.

K those are mine, hopefully I have done them all or close by next year this time.

Holiday Greetings

2007-12-22T00:39:00.000-08:00

My video for Riley Sawyers, "Baby Grace"

2007-12-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

I made this about Riley Sawyers who was found in a box, after being killed by her Mother and Step Father, over manners. She is one of many kids killed and dumped in such a way. The song, "Castle on a Cloud" is from Les Mis. I put it on since I believe she was far from the box she was found in, that she was in a much better place. It's kind of a hope, and reminder that although her body deserved so much better, hopefully her little soul, or spirt didn't have to experience that part.

Looking for my Cousins

2007-11-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

For so long I have wanted to find to girls who don't know each other but have so much in common. Both are my Cousins on opposit sides of the family. Both lost their Mom's young and grew up in the California Foster Care system, 20 years apart.
Chanel is like my second cousin actually, and I thought she was now ok. I found out that I was wrong about what had happened to her. 13 years ago she was left, forgotten for a little over a week when her mom was high. She was 3 1/2 and I adored her right away. Her hair was so curly that when dry it was more like a bun, but when wet it was waist long. She loved any attention, and was so excited for anything. She had no toys, or shoes, and only the clothes she was wearing. I took care of her, I didn't know what to do at the time, and was 16. Her Mom came back while I was at school and I haven't seen her again. I didn't know where she was for a long time, and once I did it was so late for her.
Her mom overdosed on Asprin, and lived the rest of her life in a nursing home. Chanel was put in foster care, and I was still too young to do anything. She was the 4th child of her mom, the oldest was with his grandpa, two others were with their dad, and with Chanel there was only me who wanted her, and I couldn't take her. I always hoped to be able to still get her someday. When her mom died 6 years ago, I really wanted to and was in the best position yet to take care of her but was told the family she was with loved her, she was secure, and they wanted to adopt her. I descided it was best to leave her where she was, I mean to uproot a preteen and change states, and she probably doesn't even remember me. Since then I hadn't heard anything and assumed the best. I just found out I was wrong, she wasn't adopted, I still don't know what happened, but she has been in foster care all this time. Now nearly 17 she will age out in a year. I don't think she would have been better off with me, but am so sorry to her for all of it. I hope to find her someday and tell her I never forgot her, and am sorry for her pain, and have missed her.

Dana is my older cousin, I have never met. She and her brother were put into foster care around the time her mother was placed in a nursing home. My parents wanted her but needed my grandparents permission which they didn't get. That was the year I was born. My parents both always wanted to find them. At the time Will, her older brother was 5, and she was 3. Their mom died of a genetic disorder about 5 years later, and my parents didn't know where they were after that. I know from our Grandmother that they had several failed adoption attempts, but nothing else. I have asked a lot, and get in trouble every time. I won't quit but am not getting anywhere that way. I'm not sure she would have been better off either, but I want her to know again I have never forgotten her, neither did my parents, and she was loved and wanted by someone. She would be about 32 now. I say this much hoping someday that someone recognises this information. It's worth a try, I hope to find you both someday if only to tell you that much.

For Veterans Day

2007-11-12T09:47:00.000-08:00

For all those current and past members of armed forces. My Grandparents were in the Army, both of them, my Grandma seriously says she loved boot camp. My Dad was in the Airforce and my Aunt was in the Navy, among many other family and friends who are still actively serving. Thanks

For you!

2007-11-11T20:16:00.001-08:00

A friend in need of Prayers

2007-11-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

An amazing family, needs prayers and good thoughts today. I don't want to go into everything, since I haven't talked to her to ask, but they are more amazing than I can explain, and their Mom, my friend, has helped me and so many others so much. Last week the house burned, although it is covered by insurance they are currently left without their home, and belongings and all with significant health problems. They need all the thoughts and prayers they can get until they are able to rebuild their home and all that they need. I truly wish I could say how much they do for all around them, they are people who serve so much, and now can really use that help to make it through the next while. Thanks

glitter-graphics.com

Worth

2007-11-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

I got this today, and hope many will read this. It's by an unknown/unlisted author, if someone has heard this and knows who it is, please let me know so I can add their name to what they wrote.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200 he asked."Who would like this $20 bill?"Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you- but first let me do this."He Proceeded to crumple the 20-dollar note up. He then asked "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air."Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"Still the hands went into the air."My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it, because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.00.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know , but by... WHO WE ARE. You are Special - don't ever forget it!