Irony of life

Lately life feels incredibly ironic, although that is lacking, I have yet to find a better word. Thinking of so much lately I have pretty much decided what's to loose. Janis Joplin's song, Bobby Mcgee says, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose." I think I am pretty much there. Life just never fails to surprise me anymore.
More and more I think more, and speak less. I find myself unable to completely shake the "help" that feels to have so throughly broken me. More often than not those I search out for help cause me more pain, than those who help. It makes me wonder what could be if all were like those who have truly helped me, or even kindly tried. Some have helped me so beyond words and have done so much and made such an incredible difference in my life, they are few but any one of them is better than all the good from the others put together.
It's funny, in life it seems the times you need people the most, are the times it is the scarcest. The problems themselves damning. So often the very reasons extra support is needed, is the very same things that make people disapear. Really the things needed most seem to usually be available only when they aren't needed.
My biggest Irony is the betrayal of myself. My body being unwilling to do the things I want and love the most, or keeping me from what I find. My biggest nemissis right now is the sun, funny because my Birthday is the longest day of sunlight a year. Not totally new, it gave me migraines for a decade or so, then came skin sensitivity leaving sores wherever sun light hit. I lived wearing the hat & sunglasses even near windows, but now it makes me so sick. Equal to my reaction to peanuts or bees it is becoming impossible to do much, and I want so much to find something that will help.
It's happened before, so many problems being caused by something when realized can be helped. A vitamin B deficiancy, was my worst that made such a huge difference. Even my oddest sleep problem, waking up in the cycle where the body is paralised, I have found a way to help. The sun I have yet to figure out and am so tired of assumptions, and ignorance. People treating me like I am clueless or worse, and not helping. Life alone is enough of a fight, why does anyone need to fight to be treated ok, or get any help, especially that which makes things worse. I post this out of frustration as well as desperation. I'm tired of dealing with those who don't really listen, or do things that would never help anyone really.
Although frustraiting for the most part I can wait till evening to do things. I don't want to miss out on all the good things. More than anything, I want to go on the family vacation to Disneyland. I went once over 20 years ago, and want to have a long overdue trip, and some fun. More than anything I want to see the kids there and without a solution it seems unlikely to happen. I need ideas, just having shirts that cover my hands, hats, and glasses isn't enough. I react even near an uncovered window, but light itself isn't a problem, it is the sun alone. I am out of ideas for now, and having trouble finding anyone who can give solutions besides stay inside. I won't quit looking, but only have about 8 months to find a way. I have to go, it's been pretty close to a decade since I went somewhere fun, or anywhere really, and just want some fun so bad. I am hoping somehow someone will find this, and I will get a sudgestion or anything that might help. I'm kind of sending my plight through this vast internet universe hoping someone, someday may hear it. Even if it's never read, maybe at least this venting of all that is, will help the usual silence of frustrations that either can't be said, or won't be listened to. I think it may help even to think I have said that which engulfs my life so completely. Yet remains so unspeakable, & pointless to others, or making me an open target, weaker than before.
I now know what can happen when people learn the worst. In life it doesn't help for others to know, but maybe admitting what is weak, and my search for anything that may help, will in some way help, for that much Thank you.

Amazing flower

"Bloom" seems to be a theme right now, Bloom on Kimbo's phone.

A Christs' Tears plant, once my Grandmas, reciently taken in by Courtney has bloomed again. A plant that only blooms every few years I think has bloomed twice in a few months.
The last is my amazing flower, at least I think it is. I have been drying flowers since my Aunt Laurie's funeral. Some with Gel, my favorite method. Some pressed in a book, and many hung upside down. The ones I hung upside down were flowers that mostly hadn't bloomed and I liked how they looked closed, and wanted to save as many as possible. After a week of being hung upside down, all have been drying well, fragile but looking good. Then just over a week after I had hung them upside down one of the flowers bloomed. The day before it felt dry and was closed, within a couple hours it had opened, and felt very alive. I left it hanging like that hooked to the rest for days before finally putting it in gel to try and preserve it best since the petals are now curling a little. None of the others on the stem opened or changed in anyway. Just the one peach colored flower that looks a bit like a Lily. I think it's amazing how it truly went from dry and closed to alive and open in around two hours. I will post a photo of it when I take it out of the Gel and hope it maintains some of the shape. It was a neat thing to see. Showed me more is possible than sometimes I would expect, and I like it. The other Gel flowers so far turned out good too, but none have opened up even a few days after being preserved, let alone 8 days!