Bad mood fading

I can't believe what a bad mood I was in, the last few posts. Better not to read those, I had just had such bad luck for so long, and have been worried about people and problems it isn't mine to say. I worry, that isn't going to change, and will always care if those I love are happy, safe, and treated well, among other things. Between that and being bothered by things in the last few years, and people I no longer go near isn't very wise mind of me. Either way I'm letting things get to me that I have no control over, or are in the PAST. I am just glad they aren't problems now.
I am hoping that my Mom's car will keep going, and that I can keep driving the one I have now. I don't want to deal with Paratransit anymore, it's a nightmare that no one should have to deal with, EVER!! Oddly enough the day the windows were shot out was still a good day. I can't really say more, last time I said too much I was not allowed to ride for 6 weeks. I want people to know what it is like and what many people are put through that cannot speak for themselves but probably need a way to get around for a long time after that. It may be a good thing I couldn't drive for a time and had to ride, and see what things are really like. Now that all is well I am hoping to use that knowledge to help in some way those who are stuck. This sounds a bit negative, but doesn't feel the same. It is something that still is possible to help, not something that won't change and just is. I gotta get my keyboard up again too, it is my greatest outlet. Without things have gotten boring, and that and my phone and Computer not working, things got really stuck. Now computer is working, and I am getting close to caught up with things. I can get my keyboard going again, and was able to talk to my niece through my sisters phone. Life is just not good unless I can hear her sing Elmo's World.

Lucky day

Today I had an uncharacteristically good day. What started out seemed to be bad, but all ended good by the end. My leg brace(AFO-picture on the right)broke, making the braces I was trying to get necessary. I needed new ones anyway, this will just help it along, and the new ones would be much shorter on my leg, lighter, and less obvious, besides being able to wear more than tennis shoes. I'm so sick of having such limited options. Anything would be amazing.
I missed an appointment because of my brace, but it turned out it wasn't needed, so not a bad thing.
In the mail was two full envelopes from the State. Last time it was horrible so I assumed the same. Unfortunately I have to have Medicaid and all being unable to work full time, and considered uninsurable. The process to get and keep them are hard. I last got sent most of my medical records, some which I didn't want to know about. Anyway today was to let me know that, that decision was decided to have been wrong, and inconsistent. It made a huge difference because of the last time alone. Sometimes it's better not to know what someone thinks of you, or what might be wrong. A list of possible problems isn't the same as having them, and was overwhelming. Besides that there were some I knew would be bad, I have had far too many the past few years, not knowing that their treatment of me was at time torture, and made life so much harder. As well as having lasting effects, I am so glad to be free from most of that now, and have been for a few months. What gets me most is that they don't realize just how wrong they were, or the effects, and will do it to someone else.
Several professionals actually got in trouble for their treatment of me, or lack of. Needless to say they were not happy with me, the Doctor having even looked up other information on me, and my life. It was upsetting that someone could have an influence in such a way. So glad I'm not facing quite what I thought I was. Yeah!!
Next I got to talk to my niece, not new but today she kept singing Elmo's world, and said "hi Nama" not what she calls me but the first time she said Hi, and kind of sang it too, so cute. I love that Baby soooo. Then as I talked to her mom(my sister) and our mom(Nama) I could still her singing Elmo's world in the background, which just was so cute.
I also finally was able to get a new hearing aid, I have had only one for so long, now I have two, and they even match completely.
Last but not least my Allergist is helping me with my Sun problem. It was so nice for someone to listen and believe and trying to find ways to help me brought me to tears. I didn't realize how much I had missed that, and can't say how much a difference every person who willingly helps me, listens, or is just kind to me makes a difference in everything. To those amazing few I am forever grateful. I came along a lot of good today, and found out some good things, but more than anything I have hope again.
Last week I was told I would either be confined inside, or must quit taking the medication that keeps me alive, since it had listed the problem as a side effect. Either stay inside, or quit taking the medication that keeps me alive. Thankfully my allergist new better, and is still helping me, and knows more in this area than any other Allergist, or other related specialist. Either way, I have possibility that I didn't have before today.
Sorry rambling, I'm so tired, but so grateful to him, and some others who have been amazing.
I also have finally hooked up the scanner that works so well, and is so fun, and giving me so much to work with and on.

Irony of life

Lately life feels incredibly ironic, although that is lacking, I have yet to find a better word. Thinking of so much lately I have pretty much decided what's to loose. Janis Joplin's song, Bobby Mcgee says, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose." I think I am pretty much there. Life just never fails to surprise me anymore.
More and more I think more, and speak less. I find myself unable to completely shake the "help" that feels to have so throughly broken me. More often than not those I search out for help cause me more pain, than those who help. It makes me wonder what could be if all were like those who have truly helped me, or even kindly tried. Some have helped me so beyond words and have done so much and made such an incredible difference in my life, they are few but any one of them is better than all the good from the others put together.
It's funny, in life it seems the times you need people the most, are the times it is the scarcest. The problems themselves damning. So often the very reasons extra support is needed, is the very same things that make people disapear. Really the things needed most seem to usually be available only when they aren't needed.
My biggest Irony is the betrayal of myself. My body being unwilling to do the things I want and love the most, or keeping me from what I find. My biggest nemissis right now is the sun, funny because my Birthday is the longest day of sunlight a year. Not totally new, it gave me migraines for a decade or so, then came skin sensitivity leaving sores wherever sun light hit. I lived wearing the hat & sunglasses even near windows, but now it makes me so sick. Equal to my reaction to peanuts or bees it is becoming impossible to do much, and I want so much to find something that will help.
It's happened before, so many problems being caused by something when realized can be helped. A vitamin B deficiancy, was my worst that made such a huge difference. Even my oddest sleep problem, waking up in the cycle where the body is paralised, I have found a way to help. The sun I have yet to figure out and am so tired of assumptions, and ignorance. People treating me like I am clueless or worse, and not helping. Life alone is enough of a fight, why does anyone need to fight to be treated ok, or get any help, especially that which makes things worse. I post this out of frustration as well as desperation. I'm tired of dealing with those who don't really listen, or do things that would never help anyone really.
Although frustraiting for the most part I can wait till evening to do things. I don't want to miss out on all the good things. More than anything, I want to go on the family vacation to Disneyland. I went once over 20 years ago, and want to have a long overdue trip, and some fun. More than anything I want to see the kids there and without a solution it seems unlikely to happen. I need ideas, just having shirts that cover my hands, hats, and glasses isn't enough. I react even near an uncovered window, but light itself isn't a problem, it is the sun alone. I am out of ideas for now, and having trouble finding anyone who can give solutions besides stay inside. I won't quit looking, but only have about 8 months to find a way. I have to go, it's been pretty close to a decade since I went somewhere fun, or anywhere really, and just want some fun so bad. I am hoping somehow someone will find this, and I will get a sudgestion or anything that might help. I'm kind of sending my plight through this vast internet universe hoping someone, someday may hear it. Even if it's never read, maybe at least this venting of all that is, will help the usual silence of frustrations that either can't be said, or won't be listened to. I think it may help even to think I have said that which engulfs my life so completely. Yet remains so unspeakable, & pointless to others, or making me an open target, weaker than before.
I now know what can happen when people learn the worst. In life it doesn't help for others to know, but maybe admitting what is weak, and my search for anything that may help, will in some way help, for that much Thank you.

Amazing flower

"Bloom" seems to be a theme right now, Bloom on Kimbo's phone.

A Christs' Tears plant, once my Grandmas, reciently taken in by Courtney has bloomed again. A plant that only blooms every few years I think has bloomed twice in a few months.
The last is my amazing flower, at least I think it is. I have been drying flowers since my Aunt Laurie's funeral. Some with Gel, my favorite method. Some pressed in a book, and many hung upside down. The ones I hung upside down were flowers that mostly hadn't bloomed and I liked how they looked closed, and wanted to save as many as possible. After a week of being hung upside down, all have been drying well, fragile but looking good. Then just over a week after I had hung them upside down one of the flowers bloomed. The day before it felt dry and was closed, within a couple hours it had opened, and felt very alive. I left it hanging like that hooked to the rest for days before finally putting it in gel to try and preserve it best since the petals are now curling a little. None of the others on the stem opened or changed in anyway. Just the one peach colored flower that looks a bit like a Lily. I think it's amazing how it truly went from dry and closed to alive and open in around two hours. I will post a photo of it when I take it out of the Gel and hope it maintains some of the shape. It was a neat thing to see. Showed me more is possible than sometimes I would expect, and I like it. The other Gel flowers so far turned out good too, but none have opened up even a few days after being preserved, let alone 8 days!

This week

This week was such a long week! A upgrade in the usual bunch that come messed up my computer so bad, and isn't easy to remove. Something like VirusXP2008 made it so my computer and Internet wouldn't work well, and caused so many problems. It wouldn't uninstall, and the tech people wouldn't help, the only way to fix it is to buy the full version which I wouldn't do. It took hours of searching files before I found all parts of the application, listed under other names. I am so mad at them right now.
This week also my aunt had knee surgery but seems to be doing well today in an aftercare facility.
Bryn threw herself an early Birthday party, I guess because of the weather is better now than October. She Texted 30 friends who then were to text 30 more. Easy enough invites and the turnout was around 200. She's so funny with the whole text chain letter invite. I still haven't talked to her but wouldn't be surprised if she knew all that came. Sounds like it was fun though, and actually outside as she wanted.
Kenna started going on visitations this week. She just got home from her first overnight. I was so worried, and I am so glad she is home safe with her Mommy again. Daddy is not going to be happy when he has to pay his first payment of Child support, and considering how he has acted when he wasn't paying this last year, I dread when that comes into play. There wasn't an order until this week, but it'd have been good to make sure his child had food or diapers before the court makes him.
Now to start the week all over again.

Help, in so many ways

I have tended to leave certain subjects out completely out of shame mostly, which I want to work on. I would be sad to loose people because of something I say, but better that then try to hide what I can not. A life of hiding is lonely and doesn't do any worse than telling people and having them not want to see me anymore.
I also have learned thanks to my OT and some others, and have gained good, and want them to know how eternally grateful I am for all the good they allowed me.
The Beetles song, "Help" is exactly how I feel towards them, and although I miss my OT so much, I hope all the good possible can come from that move. I don't know that anyone has ever helped me more, and it seems only fitting that I fight to keep the confidence and strength I have gained having had her to help me. Thanks to her, and others who are kind to me no matter how I am, or am not.

I also want the kids to know how I feel, I would be leaving out a great deal. Brady and Tage especially give me a boost that helps so much. I want them to know that always. Brady loved my walker which is out of commission and no longer needed. He told everyone it was his first set of wheels, and it was fun to be able to give the kids rides on it, good exercise too. He also likes my "purple ears" my hearing aids, and I know when I deal with people who make fun of me it really helps to think of those times.
Tage is different in that he seems to think I have superpowers , or that things give me extra something. My leg braces he is determined allow me to run faster. Someday I hope to prove him right. He tried them on every time I saw him and it was only reciently that he could stand with them. They reach his hip and are definatly something that slows him down, but I have some funny photos, and video, and just appreciate his view so much. My forearm crutches are amazing, I think I did mention them before, I don't fall with them, and they work with Kenetic energy making it much easier to walk. Those Tage calls my "light savers" sabers, and good for sword fights. I think he is a born fencer, but their are no sports I know of that he can not do. Those moments are what keep me going when I am alone, or made fun of, or treated as people do. They keep me going, and although I hope to go without braces or crutches someday, I know I withstand so much more because of them, and other children who truly accept me for who I am.
I wish the world or just more people were much more like them, life sure would be an easier place if there were fewer closed minds, and judgements with everything. Maybe that will be my goal to be more that way myself, and hope to find more people like that if I can try to be more that way myself.

Gone so long

It's been a while since I blogged, as if I ever wrote regularly. I have been between computer problems, and life drama. Luckily very little to do with me. There are also many entries I have set as private since I started this like a journal that someday the kids or anyone else can look at and see how I feel. Some of those things as anyone who read them will understand have a time and place, and probably for certain people only.
I still have Mimi's cat Sylvia who is not as thin anymore, and beyond happy with the pillowtop I now have. I would hope Mimi would be happy with him being alive and with me, Mojo we know is where he was always meant to be.
I knew all to well what would happen, this is not my first drama after a death. The last of which I lost three sisters, a step mom and others who I loved, and miss still 12 years later. I have been thinking a lot about them, and what could have been had there not been that plane crash. If my niece would have 7 or more cousins to play with, and more aunts makes me very sad. I love being an aunt, love my niece, and what I considered my sisters for over a decade before. I wish I knew that they were happy, and what their lives are. What they do, their kids names and all. I wish for a lot, and lately again feel the great loss of my Dad and his family all I wish could still be. Eventually I hope to have his site finished, and then all I have gathered will be available to them and for anyone else to see my Skydancer Daddy. I hope to finish Mimi's soon too. I have a lot of the graphics done, just a matter of following through with what I started and ignoring the people who discouraged my ideas and abilities so. It would be wrong to let such people win, and for those who could benifit miss out. Someday I hope not to care what others think, as for today unfortunatly I can't forget even wrong things that have been said, I just hope to go through anyway.

Brave moment

I blocked an e-mail that has been far past due. It's a guy that sends me e-mails trying to convince me about his religion through hate e-mails about others. I have told hime for a long time I don't need or want that, and feel it contridicts what he says his religion is, but usually only get a short respite before he starts again. I also twice have recieved e-mails from a friend of his doing the same thing, having gotten my e-mail from the first guy, and he was a bit scary. He is a fairly known preacher that is often on TV and or radio. That didn't impress me much, so he began braging and apparently views himself close to an equal to Christ and he being the reason why 300,000 people are now saved and forgiven. I though Christ would come into that somewhere for what I feel are obvious reasons, but not for him. I blocked him months ago, after contacting me a second time, the first i asked and he did leave me alone for about 6 months. This other guy has sent me angry e-mails against others for about two years, and I told him today that no more was going to equal blocked, but he couldn't resist, and is now blocked. Someday maybe it won't take two years to stop someone when something they do only bothers me, but this is a start.

Not much else, been playing on facebook, it's the easiest site to access on this computer, and many who see what I do. I've gone way overboard on sending things but that is fun for me, and I like the quizes and games, if only driving was actually like crazy Taxi, I'd love that.

A friend I wrote about a while back when they had a fire, has been nominated for the Extreme Home Makeover. I guess by the Red Cross, and then needs other letters of support. They are so amazing, and three have specific needs for a good life. Please think happy thoughts for them, and those writting. The Mother has helped me so much and is si envolved as are her family in advocacy for people with disabilities, and support for families. She also was a huge help with fundraising to help someone go to Special Olympic World games in China, and has worked on a special park that would be adapted, so that it is safe, and a positive learning environment for kids with Autisim and their siblings. She really is someone that is amazing, and is someone I really respect and admire. She could use the good thoughts, and if her life is easier I know she will make so many others lives better.

Just watched, Shut up and sing, oh so much to say

Have to say above all I mean no offence to anyone serving or their families in this. If you read this through hopefully my meaning will be clear. Please if you read, read to the end, because there is more here than just this movie too.

I had wanted to see this for months, since it came out, but it has been constantly checked out. Months, I was so lucky to be there and get it. I missed much of what was going on, I heard a bit, but so much was happening, I knew what I thought, and it wasn't for a while that I knew how much had happened. I couldn't have fathomed the reactions of some. Gotta say even with all that was going on, had I known, I would have tried to protest for them, a pro-protest. I have had all of their Cd's, and when all were stolen from my car, they were the first I replaced. The new CD was the hardest, being sold out everywhere I went, it took days. Their work, and talent is beyond so many and a comment didn't effect my opinion of their music. I wish I had known just so I could have said and done more to counteract the, well people that came out. It is the same no matter what the protests, it attracts frightening people, who are willing to say or do anything for their message to be heard. They aren't informed, seldom have the facts, nor do they care.

I know and love many people who have or are serving in the armed services. Family and friends who either served themselves or were married to someone who has. My dad and his whole family all served. I respect what they are doing, and have seen good done from them serving. So much good that is being done, that is so beyond the fighting. Their service, all of it to our country deserves my highest respect.

When I first heard what Natalie Maine's had been quoted saying, I assumed she meant differently than many did. I have liked the band for so long, many songs actually helping me through hard times. She says things in a way that sometimes aren't clear, but if you know her style and about her, you'd know she is very well informed, and usually says things other people later agree with, although sometimes being very blunt in doing so. I assumed, that she didn't think there was reason for troupes to be sent in at that time. With me, and from what I have seen again guessing, that she didn't want a war without reason, I get that having seen many people gone before, and from what I knew, and thought, I couldn't envision this ending soon, or really effecting those needed. Terrorists don't care who is being hurt, that isn't going to help the cause, and I envisioned a long struggle separating families, and maybe not to return to each other again, or for long in between tours of duty. That isn't including those serving who have lost loved ones at home, children have died at the hands of their caregivers, a few born after the father left, who never got to see their child, or really young, when their parent left, before being able to know them, and can't now. Those serving have given their lives to our country, and I worry if they have the respect they deserve, and their needs met as much as they deserve.

Natalie's statement to me was just her point of view, I like her style, and it's always free speech. Who cares if she doesn't like the President, to me that is acceptable. I don't believe the President, should be unquestioned ever, or liked only because of the title, even if what they do isn't what we agree with. Worse the apparent forced worshiping of a cardboard cutout of the man, by children. He is human and bound to make mistakes, that others don't like. I don't see the problem with saying, I don't like that, or what he is doing, no matter where the little club is located at. Of course then media taking off making it sound like a big venue and playing on everything they could didn't help. I personally won't like everything anyone does, because they have a title, or what the media reports alone.

Her statement was free speech, it's an opinion, either way to me wasn't enough to make me throw out their music, or think less of their talent. I really can't fathom burning or crushing anything, just because of one statement. It's an old action done often during fear, ignorance, or just following the crowd, but really is ironic to burn something, against someones right to free speech, something that just shows to me more ignorance, and an inability to think of anything on their own, resorting back to burning the evil, and in this case claiming in the name of troupes who are fighting for others to have free speech going against what this country I always thought stood for.

I didn't insist on another stars Cd's being destroyed when He made a comment implying a desire to hurt Natalie. That is different than just not being proud of the presidents decisions, it's a guy with some following implying the way to handle something is to hurt a woman who bothers you.

I think it's funny that they say that the DC are ignorant, when the protesters statements in fact are ignorant, among other things, and irrational, and flat out scary in some cases. It's also just disturbing the lengths people will go, teaching children to hate strangers over a rumor, and for people, men especially wishing harm, or even death on three women, three mothers, all of whom were pregnant at some point during the time this was going on. Why would it ever be OK to threaten to hurt or kill three pregnant women?

I don't destroy and music, books, whatever, I don't see the point, to me a better way would have been to sell Cd's and use the proceeds to help those now serving. Some people sadly on their 3rd or more tour of duty. I am sad for them, for family, and just all that they love. I wish there weren't any time of separation, even if they return safely. They could have sold the Cd's to do something good for those serving.

In every war there is medical advances due to the injuries. Previously been prosthetics, and PTSD, now is Brain injuries. Many, many people coming home injured that will not be the same. I am bothered by the care they receive, it should in my opinion be the best, forever, until they are where they were before leaving for war. If they are scared, do anything to help them look the way the used to, no matter how long it takes. That is hardly the case now, and that needs to change. They deserve the best care possible, and continued care as long as needed. If there is a treatment out there that would help them have a life closer to what they had before they were injured Serving our country.
The President, his wife, and so many others, have more care after their service, for life, than any person serving our country in the war. They will be taken care of for life, while those risking their lives on the orders of that president, who is about to receive all anyone could need or want for life. I'll add the exact amounts later, I believe it's 200,000.00 a year for the President, plus other benefits, this is someone who was independently wealthy before. It seems the people who serve should have more care and concern towards their well being, and their families. Veterans need and deserve the best treatment far beyond what they have now. I would respect Mr. President a lot more if he were to give up his salary which truly he doesn't need, to help these people he sent to war, and was a large part of why they are gone, or hurt today.

As for the Dixie Chicks, they earned my respect with their talent, and ability long ago, that won't change. I respect them more now for sticking together through this, that is amazing, and I think it's trajic that people treated them as drastically as they did. I support their right to free speach and personally don't listen to the stations that don't play them ever, it just shows how ignorant they or the listeners are, if they were preasured by listeners, who clearly have very scary values considering who they have singled out, and yet others who are accepted but have obvious value issues, that are crimes. If someone can do a crime, and not be flogged, but your right to free speach, is damning. Sorry that's just messed up.
I support them, and am totally against threats and hate in the way it has been, towards them, was uncalled for, and I hope more people see their side, at least now, more and more stars are following suit.
The world is a sad place when threats and actions are acceptable, and their money to help is no good. They are braver than I can imagine, and I hope they know there are many of us that are on their side too!

Quiz for positive traits

I was kindof hoping for like love, or friendship, but guess not!

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Charity You are Charity. The spirit of giving has been promoted by every religion. Charity is kindness. It is compassion for our fellow man. Charity doesn't ask anything in return, and in this way it serves as the opposite of greed. "Be charitable with many."
Peace
Love
Friendship
Faith
Courage
Which Positive Quality Are You?

Walking

I am doing this and thought some others might like it. Entering my steps daily on a website, if I average a little more than 4,000 steps a day, for three months it will be like walking a trail in China. It can be many trails that's just the one I choose, because it's less steps.
While walking with a Pedometer, most adults should average about 10,000 steps a day, I hope to someday do about 8000 all things considered if I do 6000 it will be a huge deal, since I am not likely to be able to get to the point I can do more.
The site listed below is one of many where you can enter your amount of steps each day, and it will tell in three months how far you or a group has walked, either a trail or other long distance, and also giving tips to add more, and other health tips. Pedometers are around $4 if anyone wants to try, and they just clip on your belt.
http://aom.americaonthemove.org/site/c.krLXJ3PJKuG/b.1524889/k.BFFA/Home.htm

Amber Alert - Hser Nar Moo

A 7 year old girl is missing, and just hoping for prayers for her and her family. There is an Amber Alert out, and volunteers searching, I would give anything to be able to try and help search, physically I can't so am posting a prayer request since the family has asked about that.
Any missing child needs to be found, this family has an added barrier that no doubt isn't uncommon but is the first I have been so aware of. They are refugees that have recently come to the USA living the last 20 years in Thailand.
Although another country a family that were refugees from Laos moved in and became part of our family when I was still a baby. I remember very clearly what it was like for them when they first moved here. To be in such a different life, circumstances, and not understanding the language. Everything was new for a long time, and to imagine if one of the children were lost or worse, it would have to be the most frustrating thing of your life, being in a country where people don't understand what you are saying, and you don't know what their saying and you know too your child doesn't know beyond the area or much of the language. I just keep thinking of the people I watched experiencing the US out of a refugee camp, and all that they told me about life there. Then to have a child disappear just breaks my heart for the family, and little girl, and they can use any prayers or positive thoughts let alone being aware, possible.
People coming from a Refugee camp have had mostly only family, and I know they have to fight and already care so much, it's not like here they already have made a choice long ago on family being so important, for them to be here together was huge, really amazing. They made it here, and had just had a baby, and now when they are here their only daughter disappears, it is more than I can think about.
Please pray for them!
The little girl has had some conflicting information reported, maybe due to language confusions. The dad through interpreter has said the same all along, and the photo was taken the day she went missing so that dress in the picture is the one mentioned. She has asthma, which is worse with cold, and when she is stressed. It is cold and the air isn't good for asthma right now, she doesn't have her inhaler and really needs that help besides the obvious that she is a little girl who needs help. There is a billboard that says something like an abducted child is every ones child, I really believe that is true.
Below is a link with her information.
http://www.amw.com/missing_children/brief.cfm?id=54373

Well now the sad news and that she was found is confirmed. I set up a candle group where anyone could go, kind of hard to explain but kind of a virtual candle memorial.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Hser

Happy Easter

Busy Day

Well today was much calmer than a few others lately, although a guy on the bus kept pretending to shoot everything, including me, and was apparently hearing voices. He seemed to be escalating and when his singing got to a drunken level, the driver told him very nicely that singing no matter how good isn't allowed on the bus. Apparently unaware he looked surprised and was totally quiet the rest of the way. Another time when hearing aids are handy aside from the shotgun movement which I struggled to ignore I was saved from the singing by turning off my "Purple ears." Apparently there is a gun theme happening this week.
Another apparent theme in drama is my ongoing Latex battle. My Grandma in the hospital, I can't visit since it in not Latex free. Apparently balloons being a great advertisment right now, I am having trouble avoiding all of the balloons given out, and tied to signs blowing, blocking the sidewalk for me. An office I visit today finally recieved an answer from their cleaning service. They refuse to use anything other than Latex gloves which they ware while cleaning the entire building. They said I would need to talk to my Doctor about dealing with it instead, so I'm very stuck taking medicine to enter a building or die. I hope so for a latex free world. My kitten also was spayed today, and am trying to figure out how to care for her after she has been held by latex gloves. Luckily her Momma, my boy kitten with confussion, kindof doesn't remeber to look for her by this point, and isn't able to find her without her comming to him. He would be so upset if he knew she was hurting, and just not worth his reaction.
Last thing, and a good ending of this day was watching "Dancing with the stars" with Marlee Matlin. I have always really admired her, for so many reasons, but this I could so appreciate and she's just fun to watch and was amazing. Not the best tonight but I think she's only getting started. I danced a lot when I was younger and get that, but and could have guessed what it was like since you can feel it in your feet and all. Now I know though, it's a totally different way of listening to music, I love to sit with my hands on the speaker, it's really different and something to think about. My music taste has changed a lot because of how they feel, and if they are entertaining to watch. I am saving to buy an instrument to learn, or likely relearn, like the violin, which can be amplified now. I don't think it will likely be anything anyone else wants to hear, just for me it seems like it would be so great to be able to make such music. It wouldn't work while dancing, it would still be like when you can feel it, but she's so expressive too, that it's great to watch. I hope she continues, either way, she's got guts and works harder than I can imagine. Bravo to her. It was fun to see and there are many expressive dancers on this time, so I may keep watching reguardless. Just sayin' great for me right now.

Never boring

Today again was a day like I am told can only happen to me. I went to Wingers in Bountiful with my mom. Our waitress took our drink order, a minute lator people were running to the window. I looked out the window expecting to see a fire or something big, and saw flashing lights. We asked and apparently the waitress had walked back as an armed robber walked in. Got the money traumatizing many, left and shot at a cook sometime in the process me not knowing anything. They walked in right behind us, and I missed them completely, luckily, and although facing where they stood, I hadn't looked up in time to see them, and my hearing helped since I heard nothing. I am so glad for my broken hearing aid today. One hearing aid wasn't enough to hear the shot, or know to look up. A few tables from the two men and I didn't know anything was happening till people were running. There were so many people who were traumatized, and upset, I wasn't having known nothing until the police had arrived. The poor people trying to get inside inbetween had the waitress trying to tell them through the locked double doors to leave, and we were stuck until they had found out a little, but the police had to have surrounded the area, and all the stops within minutes. They were amazing how quickly they had everything secured. No one was hurt, least of all me who didn't know anything had happened at all, and they walked away with little money, I hope that will deture future theives.

I feel very blessed to have been so clueless, and been so close without being involved at all. I worry about the many who were crying and shaking so, I have been in enough spots like that to feel so for them, I just felt like hugging a few who just looked beyond scared, and was glad they were hugging each other, and all being so supportive. When I go back in a few days, which I will, I hope that they will look as though they are hanging in there ok. I really like a lot of who work there, and will be thinking about them and hoping they can feel safe at work soon.
It hasn't shown up on the news as far as I can see, but I would think it will be soon, and may post that.



Just made the news today, apparently a Chuck a Rama was robbed in SLC 40 minutes earlier by what seems like the same two men.

Adventures on Public Transportation

A busy day on the bus, all the details aren't needed but thanks to a certain dispatcher at Para transit, I had to ride the fixed route, regular buses, even though conditions were such that I could have had a ride with a nicer dispatcher, this one will go to great length, and many transfers to make life using their service much harder, or at least unsafe(by way of early drop offs or pick ups at the ogden transit center, which is scary during the day).

The bus driver informed me I had to fold up my walker before getting on the bus. This is just funny cause if I could navigate around a folded walker I wouldn't have needed one. Then I was forced to stand since no one would let me sit, and the driver wouldn't make them. Standing on a bus is hard enough, but trying to hold myself up along with my folded walker proved too hard, although I lasted over 2 miles. A gentleman much older than the rest seated then gave up his seat for me, bless his heart. The other lady that was there with a walker said she had, had the same problem. The other 6 people seemed to have no reason to need to sit there.

After that I thought the day had been as interesting as it would get, something happens every day on paratransit, but the driver thinking it reasonable for me to stand and carry a folded up walker was unique enough.

Maybe he didn't know what it was, a fellow mother in the hospital when my niece was born, was convinced it was a baby stealer. It was kindof funny to picture me trying to balance a newborn baby on the seat, and run to leave, and outrun those who would hear the alarm off the baby low jack they attatch to their ancle. This was the next weirdest experience I have had.

When I got on the paratransit bus, I learned that right before it had been shot up. I wasn't on at the time, but techniquelly my ride got shot up. Poor driver was luckily not near the place that was hit, although he saw the gun. I don't know why you would shoot at one, maybe issues with people with disabilities, or just UTA, who doesn't these days. I took photos but they aren't great, my repacement ride came quick so I didn't get much time but you can see the bullet/pellet? whole, and the shattered glass. So glad I wasn't in there, right across from where I sit.

From inside

closer from inside, view of the whole

Inside the floor covered in glass

Outside view in, broken edge

Ouside, looking in, the whole, the dark shadow around the right side is all the window not on the floor.

Life is seldom boring on public transportation.

A thank you for a story that makes me think!

Just wanted to post, I just saw a story on ET about Gabrielle Carteris, best known for her role on 90210. I am so glad I saw it, since I had tuned in for another story. She talked about an injury that has caused a lot of problems and struggles. I just wanted to say thanks even though unlikely that any star will ever see, I appreciate their willingness to be so open about problems that are personal and sometimes embarrassing. She showed video that would be hard for anyone to live through let alone share. I go often through problems that I hide, yet are far less needed, I know. I know her willingness to show some moments that I am sure were frightning and not something that anyone would want seen, painful to watch. I know I will think more the next time I am ashamed or embarassed and tempted to hide a problem. Thank you to all stars who share their personal struggles, because so often they do help others, bringing awarness, or in my case helping me to see from another point. I think it almost always helps someone, and she really made me think. Thanks to her, and all those who put themselves and their problems out openly.
Thank You!


http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/03/59322/index.html

Remembering Little One

So sad that a trip to the Doctor, which should have been a happy time for some members of my family, turned to such sadness when the ultrasound showed their baby, they had hoped to learn the sex of the baby that appointment, in fact had passed away. I just heard and my heart and prayers go out to them. Please remember Liz, Jason, and Rosie through this sad time, and all those who love them, and were looking forward to knowing their little one. Love you guys!

Drama test

I kinda wanted to be a drama queen, the test just may be wrong

You are a No Drama Mama!

No need for drama, you just chill out and don't let things bother youYou've got a peaceful, zen-like attitude... even when things get crazyYou're a pleasure to be around, and you have lots of friends to show for itYou don't need to be the center of attention, you're happy enough as is!

How Much of a Drama Queen Are You?

http://www.blogthings.com/howmuchofadramaqueenareyouquiz/?allquizzes=yes

What instrument quiz

These quiz's can be entertaining, I think aggression is a bit off, but the rest just might be true.

You Should Play the Drums

You are often hyper, restless, and full of a little too much zeal.However, people may be surprised to know that you can focus your energy well. You are driven and engaged enough to be a great drummer... and you have the stamina to practice for hours.In fact, when you can channel your energy productively, it only increases! You are independent and spirited... but also consistent. You can definitely keep the beat.You work well in a group and contribute heartily - without needing to take the lead. Your dominant personality characteristic: your aggression Your secondary personality characteristic: your precision

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatmusicalinstrumentshouldyouplayquiz/

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Year!

Things are going to be really belated from me this year. I was sick the last 5 weeks, not seriously but since antibiotics are a very last resort I have been trying natural which didn't work, and I was just sick enough I didn't get things done, anything for the Holidays, so I am going to still do that, just late. Sorry but I can't just not do what I wanted to, it will just be late as much has been the last while.

I'm gonna actually post my Resolutions, since then it's a promise and I have to do promises, if remotely possible.

• Move, Move, Move, yep, that's gotta be #1
• Learn to sew, and finish all my other projects that I have started and are almost finished, blogging stuff included.
• Walk till I'm 30(6 months) but I was told wouldn't happen a few years back, and love proving people wrong that way. Should be possible, it's more likely than ever right now.
• Run, not a long ways but I miss it, and even a block would be awesome. Tagey thinks my leg braces make me run faster, just not in front of him, I would like him to see me run so that he would be right. Also means going to PT and all, which I tend to put off right now, finding new PT, my other one moved, and I wasn't excited to try a new one. I wanna be able to do the spongebob dance too, but that's gonna be harder.
• Be able to drive at work, and still working the same or more through the whole year. Checking into a new career that I can finish school for, a "realistic" goal would be so great!
• Break at least one Guiness Book Record. I am in the last phaze to break one, but need a specialist to be a part of it, and haven't been able to locate one, in that area. The record itself I can do in half the time so finding someone who fits, and actually getting the guts to do it is the hard part. 3 I know of I can break no problem at all, and choose probably the hardest one first specialist wise. I wanna do the ones that I can do because of my learning disabilites, to show that if someone's different they may be able to do something unusual that others can't. That's hard to explain bu, It also benifits charities of my choise which I like, if I finish the work.

K those are mine, hopefully I have done them all or close by next year this time.