My Niece & ♫October♫ by Evanescence

This is for me a song that completely describes how I feel & have felt for so long.
You can hear the lyrics of course, but this is why I like it.
I can't run anymore & really have little hope I will again. Walking alone makes me fall often, & is something I have relearned too many times for one lifetime. I can't fly a plane anymore, or so much else that I loved!
I try to ignore the feelings, what is going on, & said, but when it all gets to me I am ripped from that despair by my niece. She brings me out of all that can engulf me, & gives me strength I didn't know resided in me. Often she is my only hope, peace, & reminder that I have any worth. Literally she keeps me going every day, & through long nights.
I feel as though I am passing on a torch of sorts to her. I can't do so much anymore, & she is just beginning to learn to skip, dance, & all the things lost to me. I'm happy to watch her have her time, & just happy to be able to see her being her.
I can't do what she's going to be able to do, and I'm sorry for that...she's surpassed me. I'm sorry that I am going to be cheering her from the sidelines more than by her side.
I'm also sorry that for times I was lost in total solitude, discouraged & in utter despair. I went through things many will never experience & was often lacking real help. I was not there to see some of the joy, & give back to others before her, for too long. I think others could have made me smile, but perhaps never got the chance at all, because I allowed those attempts to destroy me, blind me to what good I could do, or the people that could have been near.
Now it takes only a moment on the phone to remind me of why...A Moment of truth that reminds me that truly, she is my hope, my peace, my joy, my strength. To me she is my world, a reminder of all the good in existence. My reason to try on, & try it all!